Archive for June, 2011

opt4 knowledge <3

Knowledge is true prevention



Check out this quick video via the ultra cool and super informative website of  it’s a great source with lot’s of topics:).   You know that guy or girl who texts you like a 1,000 times a day- well thats not cool addresses the whole cyber stalking thing.


If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, seek help. You are not alone and there are places you can turn to for help. Talk to your parents, a teacher, or another adult you can trust.  You can also contact the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 for the hearing impaired) or online at They offer help 24/7 immediate, confidential assistance where you can find support as well as referrals to local resources in your hometown to provide you with the help that you need.

Why can’t a man….

Q – Why can’t a man hug?
A-Because that would be so gay!
Spoiler Alert – A man dating another man because they are looking for a meaningful relationship is GAY!  Gay as straight is a biological situation where the chromosomes tell the individual whom they love. You’re gay if your genes say its so. Not because you’re touching!

Q – Why can’t a man show compassion, cry, or even love (especially towards a guy, but equally often toward women)?
A – Dude, that’s gay stuff. A man has to be strong. A man has to be…well…a man!
Spoiler alert – About being gay…see above. About being strong see the post on this blog: A man is….    A man can opt4 showing their feelings. Men have been told, shown, and taught not to do any of these things. A man can show compassion for another human, cry when they are sad, and pour out their heart to a person they love. A man can opt4 stopping these ridiculous stereotypes. When we as humans deny our own natural way of being: empathetic, caring, loving, we deny our essential nature. When this happens we become mean, hard, angry and physically violent. The anger, possessiveness, and selfishness increases till it is the only emotions that can be shown

A man can opt4 doing anything. A man can opt4 being a normal human being. A man can opt4 changing the view of men. Opt 4 being a real man!

Q – What is a man?

A – A man is strong.
Yes, he has strength (physical braun.) Yes, he is often physically stronger than a woman. As a dad, he is strong enough to feed the baby every night, to change the diapers, to hold his child’s seat as they are learning to ride a bike. He is strong enough to stand up in front of other men disrespecting a woman and say something about it.

A – A man is dependable.
Yes, he does the things he says he will do. He will do his best to get the task done. He is a person who can work in a team till there is success. He can be depended upon to do tell the men he’s with that sexist jokes and comments aren’t ok.

A – A man is a provider.
Yes, he provides for his family in a partnership with his wife/girlfriend. He provides her a hot cup of coffee if she doesn’t do it first. He provides instruction about the things he knows, and knows when it its time for him to listen.

Nowhere does it say being a man means being in constant control over everyone or anything.

Nowhere does it say being a man means being violent.

Be a man and opt4 nonviolence. Be a man and opt 4 preventing other men from being rude, disrespectful, or violent. Opt 4 being a man who is sincere an loving. Opt4 being a real man!

Last week I went to my godson’s high school graduation. As I looked at the approx 300 graduates I noticed that there were more young women than there were young men on the stage. Then I realized something. 1 in 4 women are battered in their lifetime. 1 in 3 are raped. There were future victims on that stage. When I mentioned this to my family sitting around me it gave them a different perspective on stats. My niece was particularly shocked. Good! Maybe she will remember that sobering moment when I talk about healthy relationships. Preventing future violence is the key.

“A color is just a color” …….this is a direct quote from a man walking through a mall with a pink polo shirt on when I asked why he was wearing pink.

He’s right!

The old adage that pink belongs to girls and blue belongs to boys is centuries old – yet it is still continues.

However, this changes throughout the ages of the children. For babies, it seems to be extremely important. All the hospitals buy little hats and posters to be put on basinets that are pink and blue.  Therefore these infants are already being gendered as soon as they come into this world.

When little boys’ parents go out to buy clothes, there are vibrant reds, blues, and blacks. The words on them are very gender rigid – “little monster”, “little messy”,” here comes trouble”, “daddy’s truck driver.”  The little girls section is a wash of pink and pastels.  The messages on these clothes however are vastly different from the boys – “mommy’s little helper”, “cute as a button”,” sweet pea (Accompanied with a female gender pea)” .   We are setting toddlers and young children into specific roles they HAVE to play; they have to be identified as.  We are setting up the roles in which men and women play all the time. These roles are the ones that create the power/control that cause so much violence to this day.

Then when the kids get older, the young men’s section turns into earth tones – drab green, browns, black, gray – and pictures of sports and skulls(  psychologists have always said that these colors are colors of anti-happiness, depression, and anger. Then they are partnered with slogans and pictures that reinforce these emotions) . The older boys get the less opportunity for color and creativity they have. But the young ladies have all the colors of the rainbow to choose from and every slogan they could possibly want.  However, most of women’s clothes are full of bright airy colors and scenes of nature and animals (depictions that have been shown time and time again to promote happiness, excitement, and a connection with your fellow human beings).

Looking at this gender crunch – Is it any wonder that boys and girls, men and ladies act as they do?

We must opt 4 a color being just a color. We must opt 4 boys/men being able to wear whatever colors they want. We must opt 4 ending gender biased clothing.

Will it change the violence in the world?  I don’t know….want to try it out and see?


We choose how our world will operate. Too often the youth of the world, you…us, believe they can’t do anything.

We’re told…you have to do what the adults do, what eh adults say, and be more like adults.

Then the adults decide who you are, and what you think.

Being younger means that you have fresh ideas, fresh thoughts, and fresh views of the world.

However, you must decide what is good and bad for you. You must decide what you’re going to opt 4.

You are the person who can and will change your world. Do you like the name calling going on in your world? Do you like the bullying? Do you realize that every piece of violence imprints on every one of our brains…adults and us.  Do you like all the violence you see around you? Do you like all the violence you see on screens (TV, movie, video games, etc)?

If you don’t like all of this…opt 4 doing something about it. Opt 4 helping stop the hate. Opt 4 helping end the abuse. Opt 4 the change you can bring about in OUR world!

Rhode Island Senator, Sheldon Whitehouse is all about preventing teen dating violence and bullying :).  Senator Whitehouse is even including teens in the discussion.  We want to hear from can you help prevent violence?!?

Photo licensed under Creative Commons, courtesy of flickr user srqpix

%d bloggers like this: