Archive for October, 2012

Do you realize you’re a man?

I was speaking to a group of boys (men) the other day about women’s rights.

Suddenly, everything changed…I don’t know if ti was what I said or their want to change the subject, but the men suddenly stopped me. I will save you the more explicit comments (Because with men…they are always there.) but they stopped me and said….

What follows is a group of men speaking to me…not just one.

You come in here talking about rights. Then you talk about society and the evil it has created, albeit you don’t use those words. Then you talk about how violence is wrong. I don’t know where you got that from…because obviously you haven’t been in a place where you had to prove what you’re made of. Because when you have to “man up” or “p…y out”…you have to decide what you are. Then you start yacking about sexism. Yeah (with hand-held to mouth like he was about to laugh), like that’s a word guys use. (roaring laughter) Yeah, and this sheet you gave us is all about how women are all mistreated and such. Then you start saying how we can’t look at a girl’s but, and oh man her “t..s” are off-limits too. I guess the “derogatory word for vagina” is out too huh?Now no porn! No porn! Dude, porn is a man’s world where he can act out his fantasy. And we can’t say anything when they hit us (which is all the f__’n time) {Lots of laughter and agreance} Yeah, they always smack us, hit us, push us, and yell in our face..and we’re suppose to what..take it? Man they can even kick you in the {testicles} and it’s fine. But woooohhh you better not touch HER. You better not call HER a name, especially any of the ones that really piss them off. Man what the ____, are you f___n serious?   Wait wait wait….you do realize you’re a man right?

Wow! What did I say?  That’s a lot to correct in a span of a few minutes, but it’s an attack that men in this campaign to end gender abuse and inequality are constantly on. People like Jackson Katz who has been doing this for most of his life, and Tony Porter who has spoken to TED about this stuff….I imagine would be able to just toss something off of his tongue that would make it all make sense and put them in their place in a teachable moment.  Right?  Well, maybe or maybe not..I’m unsure since I’m not buds with them.

But then I started thinking…are they wrong?  In a certain point of view they are wrong…but what about theirr point of view? What have they been taught?  Look around.

For every blog like this, there is blog celebrating violence.

For every blog on feminine rights, there’s 25 blog or a vlog about sex and objectification of women…and many are run by women.

This blog gets 100 visits a day. Feministing(a great feminist and gender equal blog)…maybe a few thousand a day. A few thousand is the amount of comments a personal sex blog can get on one blog of depravity of the female person.

Tumblr, the new way of blogging where pictures and comments are the blogs of the day, a small giff, a small picture or video and that’s the post. The amount of X-rated porn that is spewed into that site is phenomenal…and they’re posting numbers of 10,000 followers, 30,000 visits. These are picture after picture of objectification and sexual abuse…that is flocked to by billions.

Turn on the TV…what do you see: objectification, abuse, violence, domestic violence, domestic abuse, sexual depravity, and then we get into reality shows.  Here’s a real group of comments from a group of middle schoolers (ages 11-13)

Reality shows are the best things that have ever been. I’m totally like addicted to them. OMG…when that B___h backed handed that “hoe”, you know like I was right on…that’s what she deserves. Man I watch ever reality TV there is, because I’m tired of watching stupid tv. Every person on those shows is a real person acting the real way…that’s the total truth. {When I commented that if they have a director, producer, editor and writer….they’re not truly reality. They’re created} Their comments were…nah, see…when those people act like that, that’s what they are really doing. There are just people following around with a camera.  You don’t get it…if ti really happened, it’s caught on film. That’s total truth. You don’t get it. See when things really happen…they make reality TV. That’s real!(the last part was screamed at me).

So now we go back to our (boys). Are they wrong…only if we consider our society, our media, our culture, and the way we are taught to act is wrong.

What did I say?  I said…yes I am a man.  Yes..I enjoy looking at a woman’s body, but the difference is that I see that woman as a living breathing human being that has goals, aspirations, a future, a past, and I accept her as who she is…rolls, no make up – she just is a woman, and she is who she is acting out her roles in our society. see, it’s when we take away those things and see her as just a body part…it’s wrong.

As for violence…well. From what you’ve been taught your comments are justified, and many of the males in the world would see this as correct. But I was taught violence as a child. I was beat, abused, hurt and destroyed in many ways by the males and females in my world. But whether the abuse came from a woman, a man, a boy, or a girl….violence and abuse is just plain wrong…period. No matter what we’ve been taught, there’s no reason for violence!

So, what would you have said to the boys?

Above are links to an ad for breast cancer prevention and awareness.

I understand the need for this type of campaign.

However, how is this not objectification and sexualization of a woman’s body. The breast cancer ads are getting more and more focused on just breasts.

Save the breasts.

Save the boobies.

Save the tatas.

Save second base

All of these are ACTUAL campaign slogans with words we in the gender equality world have used to point out the derogatory way of sexualizing and objectifying women as merely body parts and not real thinking human beings.

In the anti-sexism world, gender equality, and women equality we are always saying we should not have pictures depicting women as only a body part, or things representing women’s body parts without a body connected to them. However, as you will see with the multiple advertisements of breast cancer awareness…this is ok because it’s about a disease. (Really?  Right.)  Is this really about a disease, or just a free pass to exploit breasts in a society where we are so breast centered?























These are merely a small (very very small) snapshot of the campaigns and advertisements out there asking people to prevent breast cancer, and encouraging women to get a mammogram to help prevention. However, after looking through the google search on “breast cancer awareness” I was amazed to see what looked like a teenage boys doodle book.

Let me assure you…i chose some of the more tame pictures….but I ask again…is this really about cancer, or is it more about breasts and an excuse to draw, depict, show, display, and play with them? I choose the latter.

Especially when you look at the death statistics of breast cancer compared with other cancers. As you can see in the chart below…Breast cancer has a significant death toll, but it truly low when compared to cancers we hear very little about such as lung cancer, Pancreatic, colon, and rectal cancer.

Let us not promote sexism, sexulaiztion of  a disease, or objectification just to try to prevent a disease.

When we see women as only sexual objects, we promote the abuse of women.

Cancer Type Estimated New Cases Estimated Deaths
Bladder 73,510 14,880
Breast (Female – Male) 226,870 39,510
Colon and Rectal (Combined) 143,460 51,690
Endometrial 47,130 8,010
Kidney (Renal Cell) Cancer 59,588 12,484
Leukemia (All Types) 47,150 23,540
Lung (Including Bronchus) 226,160 160,340
Melanoma 76,250 9,180
Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma 70,130 18,940
Pancreatic 43,920 37,390
Prostate 241,740 28,170
Thyroid 56,460 1,780


We need more men!

We need more men who are nonviolent.

We need more men who are not abusive.

We need more men who will stand up for all people.

We need more men who stand up for women’s rights.

We need more men to speak out against sexist remarks.

We need more men to speak out against sexism.

Fact: Men are responsible for 93% of the violence in the world.

Fact: Men are responsible for over 75% of the domestic abuse in the united states. So what does this mean in numbers?  Well, there are approximately 1,500,000 people abused in the US every year. Men are responsible for 1,125,000 of those abuses.

Fact: Men are responsible for 98% of all rape.

These facts are undeniable…and no amount of funny math will change that….because a lot of “men’s rights” groups which are really “misogynistic groups” will play the number game and point out how men are always the victim. Sorry…not really.

Also, men will point out that “men are being abused and raped as well”.  TRUE!!!  The problem is that men don’t come forward, so we don’t have accurate statistics on those numbers.  Why don’t thye come forward…it goes against the guy code:  Men don’t get beat up by girls.

Therefore…if Men stood up against these issues (I’m not talking a few either) many of these things would stop.

Simply put:

If men stop being violent….violence decreases significantly..

If men stop abusing people:….abuse decreases significantly.

So, we need more men!

Women’s rights are Human rights.

What a great article on women’s rights!  Because we must remember…gender is not an issue. We must have human rights, because when they begin taking rights from people…they are taking them away from all of us.

Skinny…fat…you are you!

Boys or girls…We need to see people as themselves…not as what we “want” them to be. Be happy whther you’re a size 1, 4, 7, 12, or even a 25 xxl. You’re beautiful..and you should know it!

You should love the person you are.

When you love the person you are, you are not looking for others’ approval and you won’t take the comments from abusers, and instead you will stand up and say…I’m beautiful, and we’re done.

Stop this mental abuse of our kids which promotes domestic abuse and teen dating violence1

This petition says:

Barneys plans to dramatically alter Minnie Mouse’s body – making her a 5’11 size 0 in order to “look good” in a Lanvin dress in the Barneys NYC window this holiday season.

There is nothing wrong with tall thin women. There is something wrong with changing a beloved children’s character’s body so that it looks good in a dress that almost nobody looks good in – adding to the tremendous pressure on young girls and women to attain photoshop perfection. The problem isn’t with Minnie’s body, it’s with a dress that only looks good on a woman who is 5’11 and a size zero.

That little girl who is going to become a 5’4, size 12 woman can’t just become a 5’11, size 0 woman when she wants to fit into a dress that was designed by someone who couldn’t be bothered to make a dress that looks good on someone who is not a model.

Meanwhile, hospitalizations for eating disorders in children younger than 12 years old rose by 119% from 1999 to 2006 according to a report issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) published in the journal Pediatrics.

According to sources cited on the non-profit National Association of Anorexia and Associated Eating Disorders website:

•47% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported wanting to lose weight because of magazine pictures.

• 69% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape.

• 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner.

• 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat.

Girls have enough pressure to be thin, now the beloved Disney mouse of their childhood has to add to the message that the only good body is a tall, size 0 body? Enough already. Let’s give girls a chance to celebrate the actual bodies they have instead hating them for not fitting into a Lanvin dress. Then maybe enough girls will get together and demand dresses that look good on their actual, non-digitally altered bodies and designers will just have to become talented enough to design a dress that looks good on them.

We need to see people as themselves…not as what we “want” them to be. Be happy whther you’re a size 1, 4, 7, 12, or even a 25 xxl. You’re beautiful..and you should know it!

Again…I have to make the comment of objectifying females.

This does not just show women as objects (which is bad in itself and a problem for women the world wide and promotes abuse…because when you see people as things, you can treat them however you feel those “things” need to be treated. This was seen in the slave trade in America and world wide currently towards many races and genders.)

But more over…it also produces a view of women that obstructs the real view of women for men.

When a man sees representations of women constantly (since we are “plugged in 24/7 now) they stop seeing what a real women looks like.

When we have a robot that looks, moves, acts, and anatomically resembles a woman it begins to be seen as the real thing, and machines are always a lot more “perfect” than we real people are.

Not only that, this does horrible things for the LGBTQ community (the gay world for the lay person).

When we depict what women are suppose to be like, it sets a gender role rigidity that does not let this community in. Not only that, if a male begins to identify their world to mechanical…they are fashioning themselves after a non reality in order to fit the gender role that our world forces them into.

Commercials like these are ripping the acceptance of the natural, normal, human being into shreds.   But many will say this is simply not true –

This is why adding plastic, pig enzymes, and various other products into our body is growing at such an alarming rate that many of the plastic surgery procedures are either an outpatient surgery, or something you can do on your lunch break.

Write letters, speak out, repost…do something to end the multiple ramifications this commercial and commercials like these can have on our youth and out world..

Verizon and A Call to men partner to end Domestic Violence

This is very big…Verizon has continually added money and their name to the prevention and education in order to end DV.

This site is:

Why is it called “Your voice counts”…because if we do not speak in one voice, this horrific chain of events will not end. Every person’s voice counts….every one.

We must end domestic violence therefore we must all speak up when we see it, hear it, or have knowledge about it!!

A few highlights of this site:

Five Ways for Men to Speak Up Against Domestic Violence

Speaking out against domestic violence is critical to ending it. Here are five simple steps for how to have this vital conversation.

Call 911. Be a bridge to help and safety.

If you suspect domestic violence (or any other crime) is happening, don’t think of it as a “private matter” or simply “none of your business”. Get involved. Use your voice to connect someone to life-saving resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233). Verizon Wireless customers can simply dial #HOPE to be connected to the Hotline. If you believe someone is in imminent danger, please call 911.


How to Start the Conversation

A great way to raise awareness and educate others is within the teachable moments that happen in everyday conversations and experiences. We want to be intentional about seizing these moments while allowing the interaction to be sparked naturally. So look for an everyday experience or current event to invite another man to speak up against domestic violence.

A conversation with a friend

A commercial during a football game that has women as the brunt of the joke or has a message that is degrading and disrespectful towards women and girls can perpetuate violence. A simple matter-of-fact statement like, “that offends me” can have a huge impact and create an opportunity for future dialogue.


There is so much information…I urge everyone to go to this website and educate yourself, your neighbors, and send it to all.

Together we can end this plague that is on our world.

A big problem that promotes violence toward women is the inaccurate portrayal of women in the media. It creates a computer generated and created view of women that is inaccurate and impossible to duplicate.

When a person has a false image of women, they look for an ideal that is obviously going to be less than what photoshopping and makeup and camera angles are going to be able to create. What happens is a “let down” and ultimately a frustration that the real person can not live up to the perfection standards of a machine.

This video asks us to look at women as real people, with real blemishes, real skin, and real human beings and see them all as BEAUTIFUL!


So often when I am teaching kids I’m asked…ok, so if what you’re saying is abuse isn’t love, what is love.

Now I think the scariest part is that they thought that the abuse was love. Why did they see it this way? They saw it this way because that is what they were taught. This abuse (whether it be verbal or physical or even mental) was the only way they got attention and the only way they were shown that love exists. They also watched their family members and parents show each other love – and the way that was done was through these abuses. So naturally, they saw abuse as love.

So now to answer the questions…what is love?

This poem explains in many ways what love is!

How do you define love?

We must stop this kind of labeling and creating a derogatory reality around these words.

This hurts both men and women…for when we use this word (Pussy) we are enabling strict gender roles which it has been shown to promote domestic violence and teen dating violence.

We CAN’T promote actions, words, labeling, or judgement that creates an environment where violence towards genders and violence towards a partner is acceptable.

We must end this violence!

How else can we stop this?

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