Archive for April, 2012


Earth Day April 22nd

On April 22nd, the nation and hopefully the whole world, celebrated earth day.

A funny comment from a senator a while ago always comes to mind on earth day……”I’d love to fund this projects for a new renewable energy source, to clean up our oceans, and help our the earth. But we just don’t have enough money. Either we give money to the people, or we give money to the earth.”

It’s funny…if we have no earth, we have no people…

But…if we are thinking about helping our earth we should be thinking about helping the inhabitants as well. In order to help the earth become as good as it is…we need to help the people on it.

How?

We need to prevent the violence that is killing people at an alarming rate.

We need to prevent domestic violence that is killing 1 in 10 people worldwide.

We need to prevent domestic violence that is being done at a 1.5 million people a year rate, in the US alone.

We need to prevent sexual violence that is hurting 1 in 4 women daily. (Every 2 minutes a person in sexually assaulted)

If we could eliminate the violence and the destruction of the people who live on earth we would be on the right track to helping the earth be a happier healthier place. If the people are happier and healthier, so would the earth.

But even worse, all of the people who are victims of domestic violence are learning a new way of “love”. A perverse, power and control way of love.  That means the number 1 power of people trying to save the earth…LOVE…is being destroyed through domestic violence.

Through this constant violence under the name of love, we are loosing sight of what really matters. When we lose site of the humanity that is being destroyed on a daily basis, humanity is falling off the planet.

In honor of Earth Day…do something to help out the people who live on it!

What did you do help people on Earth day?

Could everyday be “earth people” day?

Couldn’t we help the people of earth every day?

So, on this blog we have constantly commented on what a healthy relationship is.

We have asked everyone who reads it to go out and promote a healthy relationship in the name of love.

Here are some quotes from some other people (with my comments added) of what love is, and what a healthy relationship is!

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” – Antoine St. De Exubery

Take away love, and our earth is a tomb. -Robert Browning

“In real love you want the other person’s good – Margaret Anderason

-Wow, isn’t this the definition of a healthy relationship?

“You know you are in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Ted Giesel

– And this is not just a section of your relationship, this si the whole thing. That is a healthy relationship.

“I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you.” – Roy Croft

– Such an experience of love and beauty. When you are in a healthy relationship, you are not thinking of just you and how you can be happy…but of the other person as well as you, and how you both can be happy.

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

–          Too truly accept a person for who they are, is so far into love…it is beautiful. But we must never accept violence, for violence is never love!

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert Heinlien

–          Again, to see the love and pleasure of another as equal oer more than your own!

“True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.” – Antoine St. De Exubery

–          For when we love, we look for pleasure for our mate. And in a true healthy relationship…our mate looks for pleasure for us.

“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” – Oliver Wendal Holmes

-And happiness is always without violence!

“From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.” – Anonymous

–          How beautiful…And no where is the other person less powerful or less of a person than one.

“The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.” – Sir Hugh Walpole

–          And in the end, when we say a healthy relationship…this is what we mean!

How do you define a healthy relationship?

What quotes fit your idea of a healthy relationship?

Opt 4 healthy relationships full of love.

Opt 4 no violence.

Opt 4 no power and control.

Opt 4 coupling and mating, not fighting and abusing.

Personal space is a big problem for teenagers and adults as well.

A big complaint I get from a lot of parents and a lot of people is that potential boyfriends think they can stand right in your face. One comment that is particularity funny that a student said was, “If I’m going to kiss you I want you in my face. If I just met you, you need to step back!

This is a complaint from many many women I know. They state that boys and men come up to them and “chat them up” and they can feel the man’s breath on their face. As one women put it, “If i can feel your breath and know what you ate for lunch, you’re way too close!”

So this idea was added to the class for high school students.

This is the way the role-playing and lesson goes, and what the boys do is an EYE OPENING experience for us all (even the men in the readership).

We explain to everyone that we are going to speak about personal space. Then I give everyone a pencil. We try to have a saying or there to be some sort of message on the pencil so that they can take something away from the class.

Also…pencils are awesome!  If the students don’t like the pencils, they give them away or toss them on the ground.  Then whomever receives the pencil or finds the pencil now gets the message. Pencils are great for getting the message out!

So they have their pencil.

Then the facilitator asks the students to place the pencil on the floor in front of them at the distance from themselves that they would feel comfortable for the instructor to be in their face. The instructor then stands at the pencil in front of the student. The instructor asks…Is this ok. {Interesting note – Many of the students will move their pencil farther away when the instructor stands there.}

The instructor explains this is their comfortable personal space.

Now the instructor walks between the group and their pencils. Watch for the people to move back, turn to the side, etc…when the instructor walks by. The instructor asks the students to remember that “uncomfortable” feeling. This is the feeling of someone invading your personal space. Then ask…what if there was a wall behind you so that you couldn’t step back?

Many of the answers state that they would move, push the instructor, etc….all ways to get out of the uncomfortable situation.

Then ask the boys to place the pencil at a spot that they would be comfortable with something they liked or that they thought was attractive standing in front of them.

Reader Note…pay attention tot he reaction of the boys!)

 

Most of the boys….I’ve seen this…will put the pencil on their shoes.

When asked why…a myriad of sexual comments flows out from everyone.

When asked why a woman would want to be that close to them on their first meeting….another myriad of sexual comments flow through.

This my fellow readers is what our boys are being taught or they’re seeing or they’re learning.  They are wanted by women, and women want them to be nose to nose every minute, or satisfying some male sexual urge.

When I explain where women really want the pencil (farther than a stranger or a friend)…the boys are shocked. When i ask a random “girl” to do the exercise in front of the “boys”…..the “boys” gasp and drop open their mouths. For many of them, it’s the first time this view of them and women have ever been shown to them.

We have to teach our boys about personal space.

We have to teach our boys that they are not a woman’s whole life.

We have to teach them what respecting women is.

We have to teach our boys that being respectful and kind is also giving a woman her personal space to speak in, move in, and live in.

This type of personal space exercise shows us why there is so much anxiety in a relationship about a woman having friends, acquaintances, and even the ability to be their own person.

If we don’t start teaching our boys these things now…we can not expect to change the way boys treat women.

No Blog about strong women and prevention of Domestic Violence would be complete without a comment about Eve Ensler.

She has done more than many to show women for who and what they really are: Human Beings.

Now, in April of 2012, it seems odd that somebody would have to do that. But back when she started waking people up with the Vagina Monologues in 1996, our society sat around believing that women were what society said they were and there was a few groups that yelled about it, but that was it.

Now these groups were very loud when they yelled, but they didn’t connect it with real women….that is what Eve did. She said to everyone out there…I’m a woman, I have a vagina, and I’m not alone. Also, being a woman has a very different path than being a man.  Though she didn’t say it in so many words, she did say it…and it caused EVERYONE to stand up.

To stand up and realize woman should be seen as human beings…as adult women!

To stand up and realize women are being oppressed.

To stand up and realize women need to be taken seriously.

To stand up and realize women are more than just body parts.

Now Eve is launching a new site to go with all of the work she does to promote gender equality, and to promote the power and beauty and individuality that every woman on this planet has.

52% of the population should be seen as equal to the 48% of the population…unfortunately, because the 52% do not have the right anatomy, they are seen as 2nd class.

This blog, this message of prevention, and this world – must begin to see 100% of the population of the earth as equal.

Opt 4 gender equality.

Opt 4 seeing women as people and not body parts.

Opt 4 seeing this world differently than it is now, and knowing you are the change!

 

Iron Girl…hmmmm

As the weather starts to warm up, and people go out into the world….Iron Girl is coming.

What is Iron Girl?

Iron Girl is an event that is hold all over the states, and possibly throughout the world.  Depending ont he location, it is either a triathlon or a foot race.

The goal of Iron Girl is to:

Empower Women Toward a Healthy Lifestyle!

This is great!  I love the idea. I love the concept….

BUT…..

Lets start from the beginning (a very good place to start):

From the post: Woman…not girl

The name – Iron Girl.

I’ve said this on this blog before and I will say it till it ends!  A girl is a female human who is not an adult. This would be a person who has not reached their 18th birthday.

As the ladies of the world have told me it goes something like this:

0-13 – Girl

13 – 17 – Young lady (as soon as you become a mom..you’re a woman.)

18 + – woman

Making people feel like a child, and using words that depict them as children, has been a favorite way to demean and belittle people and show everyone that this group is below the normal “adult” parts of society.

This was used in Nazi germany to everyone not blue eyes and white skinned – They were called children (regardless of their age).

Thiswas done during the Jim crow era – All black men were “boy” and “boys”.

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of examples of this throughout world history……read more

Second…

Iron girl is a take off of the Iron man. The Iron Man is a triathalon that consist of  a 2.4-mile (3.86 km) swim, a 112-mile (180.25 km) bike and a marathon 26.2-mile (42.2 km) run, raced in that order and without a break. Most Ironman events have a strict time limit of 17 hours to complete the race.

If you’re going to use the same words and ideas, you should use the same events or close to it.

Instead, they have decided to make it crazy different and simple…..not only are the triathalons not like this, but they are nonexistent in some areas.

In Clearwater, it’s only a 1/2 marathon.

This furthers the atrocity of showing women as below men.

So, for all the good….the advertisement and the way it is going…..furthers the inequality and thereby the destruction of the female world.

Stand up ladies….do the Iron girl and then do the Iron Man to show everyone that the only difference is the fact that women can populate the world. And that is pretty big plus!

opt 4 equality.

opt 4 gender equality.

opt 4 women to be called women.

opt 4 women to NOT be called girls.

Opt 4 empowering women!

Do something for the people who need the help.

By doing something awesome for the local DV shelter, you show everyone that this abuse needs to stop…and…you help out the people who have already been victimized because of this epidemic we are trying to prevent.

In Clearwater, Fl today some amazing young individuals did just that.

5 years ago…a group of students wanted to find a way to give back and show that they were against all relationship violence. Instead of making posters or yelling about it, they told everyone they were against this abuse and asked the children of the abused families to not feel bad and know that there are a lot of people who don’t believe this si right. How did they show them that?

They went to Build a Bear with their own money, and built bears for all of the little kids (the smallest victims who had to watch the abuse) in their local Domestic violence Shelter!  In 2012, this is the fifth year the students at Admiral Farragut Academy have built bears for children at The Haven of RCS. Students had fun and built 49 bears to comfort the smallest victims of domestic violence.

So go out and do something to help prevent domestic violence and help everyone!

Together we can bring smiles to all people…even the ones that have seen trauma and abuse that hey didn’t have to.

I keep seeing, so I have to keep saying it!

I’ve said this on this blog before and I will say it till it ends!  A girl is a female human who is not an adult. This would be a person who has not reached their 18th birthday.

As the ladies of the world have told me it goes something like this:

0-13 – Girl

13 – 17 – Young lady (as soon as you become a mom..you’re a woman.)

18 + – woman

Making people feel like a child, and using words that depict them as children, has been a favorite way to demean and belittle people and show everyone that this group is below the normal “adult” parts of society. This immediately sets the stage for that group of the society to be treated below the other parts of society. When this happens, it becomes ok to mistreat, demean, destroy, and otherwise commit violence on this group because they are children who need to be put in their place.

This was used in Nazi Germany to everyone not blue eyes and white skinned – They were called children (regardless of their age).

This was done during the jim crow era – All black men were “boy” and “boys”.

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of examples of this throughout world history…and it’s wrong. In fact, it’s always been wrong.

AND….

When our society puts the word “Girl” on something and refers to a woman…they are doing the same thing.

However, it has gone even farther than that now. We have made this a normal part of our world.  Here are a few picture examples of products made and about women….but refereed to as girl:

Women are spoken to as girls.

Women are said to be girls.

Women are told they are girls.

Women are called girls.

Enough of this “girl” talk….it becomes normal, and then it becomes normal to treat women like children.

I will end this post with a comment I overheard from a 10 year old girl (sounds like a future feminist no doubt):

Dad: Look honey, they have spider girl.

10 year old girl: Why did you show me that?

Dad: Because i like spider-man and i thought you’d like spider girl.

10 year old girl: She has boobs.

Dad: Yes, and so will you one day.

10 year old girl: Dad, if she has boobs she’s not a girl and she looks more adult, kinda like your spider-MAN. Wouldn’t she be spider woman?

Dad: uh…uh..

10 year old girl: or is that spider boy?   Dad, I’m a girl….that is a woman. By the way dad…i like to play with lego.

 

Opt 4 a world where women are seen as adult women!

  1st…let’s celebrate all the smart intelligent awesome women out there!  Historically, sadly, women have not been seen as smart and that is HORRIBLE!  We must end this atrocity – women are and will always be intelligent, smart and every other synonym that means the same thing.

Men – You’ve always been told you’re smart from when you were a boy. If you weren’t…I’m sorry! You should have been, just as women and girls should be.

But that is not what this post is about….per se.

This post comes from a readers response to one of our previous articles.

His comment was this: It’s interesting. We don’t see the “dumb wife….smart husband” commercials and ads as much as we use to. This is and could be seen as a win for equality.

However…..

What we are now seeing is a lot of  “Dumb husband…smart wife” commercials and ads.  This isn’t good. It’s the normal way of our society shifting past equality and norms, and instead going to the other extreme.

What we are asking is simple:

  • Treat people equally.
  • See everyone for the strengths and positive qualities all people have.
  • Do not discriminate because of race, skin, origin, or sex!
  • See people as people, not body parts.
  • Everyone is smart and dumb…depending on their areas of expertise.
  • Husbands are not idiots.
  • Wives are not idiots.
  • Men, women, husband, wives, girls, boys…we all just are us,  and want to be seen as the awesome, great, individuals we are.

Opt 4 equality.

Opt 4 seeing people as the people they are.

 

 

It never seems to end!

A woman can work and work and work to become a great athlete. She can break world records, break down gender lines, and even beat out every one of her male competitors. She can stomp her male competitors times and abilities, and even tear down the female/male stigma in the sport.

But what pictures make the magazines….her sport?  Her making an awesome advance? A mind-blowing stunt in her sport that makes everyone’s jaw drop because it is so amazing?

NO!

They(the media, the men in the sport, etc) ask and coax and pay her to take off her clothes.  Only then, does she get the credit she deserves.

Only when she is stripped down to essentially a bra and panties can her world record-breaking stats be accompanied with her picture. Only then can she be seen as a legitimate athlete.

Case in point:

There is a woman’s side of every sport, and surfing is no different.

There are a group of women surfers right now that are reshaping what the women’s surfing world is all about. Not only are they reinventing women’s surfing, they are entering the men’s contests and blowing away the male competition.

When these amazing women are approached by advertisers it is not to promote the product, but to find a way for their bodies to promote the product.Their amazing surfing is not detailed, but instead pictures of them walking away holding their boards so that you can get a good look at their butts.

Then a magazine decided to do an issue based on these women surfers….a swimsuit and “real photos” issue portraying them in next to nothing and in positions close to sexual positions.

2nd case in point:

A young girl wanted to race more than anything in her life. She began racing and found it to be a boys club, no women allowed unless she wanted to race in the “girl” league….a league far below her ability. She was told she should be happy, because she’d be the best.

She decided that wasn’t good enough and raced every circuit she could find. Finally, after breaking records and tearing down glass ceilings and gender walls, she became a formula 1 racer and a formidable one at that. Soon she begin taking over and dominating the racing circuit. After setting multiple records, she decided to take on Nascar and won. there has never been a female racer ever!

However, she wasn’t getting a lot of sponsors and promoters through out her racing career. In order to do this and to promote herself, she was forced to take off her clothes.

Her name is Danica Kirkpatrick, and the only way she can truly promote herself the way her sponsors want her to…is half naked.

This is the plight of the female population in our world.

This obvious sexism and sexist exploitation needs to end!

The other argument is that they don’t have to do it, if they don’t want to.  They are absolutely right.

BUT….

If you are taught that that is the way women are treated and are not told otherwise (because most women aren’t) you accept that that is just the way it is.

No it isn’t.

We must stand with a united voice to say…Women should be seen for their abilities not their bodies!

Opt 4 seeing women portrayed as the amazing strong people they are.

Opt 4 seeing mothers as amazing and great!

Opt 4 seeing women athletes as great and not a sex object.

Opt 4 stopping the exploitation of women.

Opt 4 talking to daughters and young ladies and explaining that they DO NOT have to show skin to legitimize their life.

 

 

 

As I was getting ready to speak to a group of middle school students I overheard an old game being played among the boys. It went something like this without the particulars that were said:

“Yo mama is so dumb…….”

“Yo mama is so stupid….”

“Yo mama is so…..”

I listened to this go on for about 10 minutes before I asked the boys about it. The boys, knowing who I was, assured me that everything was OK, that this was “just a game”.

Just a game – fellow readers.  Let’s have a look at this “game”.

First, this is a game that boys, not girls, play.

Second, this is a game that specifically attacks only 1 gender.

Third, this is a game that attacks the person who gave these boys life.

Fourth, this is a game that demeans and belittles the mother. But not only that, in order to have as much fun with the game as possible, you have to demean the other person’s “mama” the best. Usually this is done by sexual feats or a pointing out of her size or her lack of intelligence.

Fifth, this is a game that promotes attacks on the woman figure in a boy’s life.

So what conclusion can we draw – it is a tool to continually repeat and demean women and not just any woman, the woman who brought you into this world. There is no other woman more important in a  young man’s life than his mama (or there shouldn’t be anyway).

Not only that, through this repetitious way of playing the game, you are forced to think up worse and worse things about women. It is an exercise in patriarchal sexism.  By the end of the game, women and mothers in general are seen and made to be seen as the worse, most vile, pathetic human being on this planet. AND when you add this to vocal repetition…you have learning taking place.

What have these boys learned? Women and mothers are the worse, most vile, pathetic human being on this planet.

However…lets not forget the male version of this (My daddy). When we compare we see the patriarchy in our society for what it really is.

The my daddy game is played something like this:

“my daddy has a bigger ______ than your daddy”

“my daddy has a bigger____________ than your daddy”

And on and on and on.

This game just shows you that these dads have things, and not only things…big things. So what are they learning with this one, and what is it saying about the socialization of our society?

First, daddies and boys have big things.

Second, daddies are supposed to be better than all other daddies.

Third, you want to grow up and be like a daddy who has all these big cool things.

Fourth, daddies use violence and their big things to solve their problems.

Therefore, looking at these two games what have we seen?

Yet another way to push women down and raise men up.

Women are dumb, idiots, fat, etc….and men are big, tough, and violent.

In these two little games that are still being played and propagated throughout the world….we see the promotion of the theories that aid to violence against women:

Women are below men.

Women are not as good as men.

Men are bigger and better than women.

Men are violent.

 

What other games promote this sexism and patriarchy?

 

Opt 4 changing the culture of our society to promote men and women (mom and dad) as equal.

Opt 4 stopping the yo mama jokes.

Opt 4 stopping the “my daddy” game.

opt 4 not teaching gender stereotypes at all!

 

 

 

 

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