Archive for November, 2012


I echo the blogist who put this up….i hope we won’t need a day like this in the future.

It is up to all of us to decide this will end!

At the top of this blog there is a tab that says “ways to prevent domestic violence”…pick one or two of these off this list…and do something…please!

More people need to stand up to people like Chris Brown…nuff said.

If you are reading this, please send a letter to the fan club or any other way to contact his “people”. his antics, his misogyny, and his disrespect to people all over including women especially,…needs to end!

jada

 

Yes…Jada Pinkett-Smith, the woman who is married to Will Smith and decided to hyphenate her name…a role model for women everywhere!  yes, i said it!

Jada made big news by letting her “I whip my hair back and forth” daughter shave her head.  What?  A girl with no hair?  that’s front page news, that’s a newsworthy comment.

OMG!

Really people?  Women are not defined by their hair, their clothes, or the people they are with. Women are defined by their actions and who they truly are!

But what did Jada say to this when it all happened?
“This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to them

selves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power, or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit, and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes, and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be. More to come. Another day.”
Wow….I think that said it all!

I’ve instilled this idea into my daughters (both 11) and they have taken hold pretty well…but…yes but….there are odd ideas that have spread into their thinking. Suddenly, instead of telling them that they can do ANYTHING and that impossible is a cuss word in our house…I’ve watched two girls go from being anything they want to, to being a partner to something great!

WHAT!!???

So I sat them down and asked them where the World famous lead Dolphin Trainer and the Owner and operator of the Art and Design studio went.

They explained that they still wanted to do that, but they would need help from a…..wait for it……a partner who was a…..can you guess?  A man?   (I almost fell out of my chair. I never taught them they “needed” anyone. Especially a man. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m not an anti-male person for my daughters. I know very well that boyfriends and husbands and all of that stuff is coming and will be part of their life, but it does not need to define them and they definitely aren’t in “NEED” of a boy to achieve what they want.  Where did they get this idea?

The shows they watch. That’s why a new organization is trying to correct that.

See a person is who they see they can be.  Let me say that a different way: You know you can be something, if you see someone doing it…especially someone of your color or gender.

Seejane has decided to take this on and reinvent children media so that girls see that they can become women who are not accessories, but leaders!

This video explains this quite well:

 

So join Genna Davis and work towards seeing true gender equality in the media.  We need to have women saying when I was a kid i knew i could do anything! Right now, they don’t have a lot of role models that fit that.

Boobs for boots and a dog.

 

All I can ask is WHY?  WHY? WHY? WHY?

I go and speak to students all the time and explain that we CAN NOT see women as just body parts, we have to see them as whole thinking individuals. (As i just typed that I realized how ridiculous it is that we don’t see women like that!)

We can’t just look at their breasts.

We can’t just look at their butt.

A woman’s body parts are not what is the most important part of them.

Then there are 1000’s of commercials just like this.

Boots….boots…really?  that’s what this commercial is for?  I would have thought it was for a breast augmentation company or a bra company…both companies would make sense.

But boots?  Really?

Start writing e-mails to these companies that portray women like this, and then write the actress who thought this was ok. The more we make our voice heard, the more we can influence and change the way things are.

 

A friend of mine called me and said she was taking the day off.  I congratulated her, as I often do when people say these things to me, and then she sighed.

Turns out that the reason she was taking the day off was because she hadn’t slept since 2am. At 2 am she was awoken by large amounts of liquid hitting the ground. after a minute of getting out of the groggy sleep, sher heard it again plus the retching…her son was throwing up.  She woke her husband and told him what was going on. He told her she should go see what was going on. She arrived to a messy scene…when she told her husband he said he had to work in the morning and went back to sleep.

I was appalled…and my friend asked why.  Because men and women should be working and raising the kids together…plus she had to get up and work in the morning too.

2 am turned in 3 am turned in 4 am. The throwing up turned into a fever, coughing, sore throat and a lot of crying. So much crying in fact that it work up her husband around 3. He got up, looked into the room , patted the boy on the head, went to the bathroom, and went back to bed. At this moment the boy was dripping from every mucus producing orifice in his face and he was crying. (My opinion…Really!!! That’s all he did?)

Sun rose and the alarm went off at 7 am, mom had no sleep and little boy was just drifting off after a lot fo medicine, a lot of tissues, and A LOT of crying.  He got up and asked why coffee wasn’t made, since she was up.

She called in and slept on the floor of her sons room, while he got angry, dressed and got ready as noisily as he could, and left.

Now, if you’re a man reading this…you might not see this as you.

Also…

If you’re a man reading this…you might not see this as bad.

after hearing this story, I went out and asked every woman I met about this situation. I asked if this type of thing happened in their house. I asked if this was normal in their house. I asked if this was normal in a marriage. I asked if this is normal “guy” behavior.

The answers were almost unanimous and I have asked over 100 women.

This scenario is normal!

WHAT!!!!????

No it is not! No it can’t be.

This is not gender equality…and we must must must do something to end this inequality!  But what?

How do we end this inequality?  What do you think?

I was looking through the toys R us wish list catalog the other day since my kids are all GA GA for it.

I’m unable to put pictures because they can’t be downloaded…but I suggest you either go to the Toys R us website or pick up the toy r us catalog for yourself.

Every page that has a kitchen set, hair accessories, housework accessories, or even a doll….it’s pinkish(the colors that girls have been conditioned to look for “their” stuff) and has a girl.  No boys!  There is literally not a single boy on these pages.

So where do the boys come in?  When it’s violent. The more violent the toy, the more boys there are. The “gun” section has boys everywhere.

So when are boys and girls together?  The toddler area. I guess while being a toddler you’re on the same playing field…but as soon as you get to 8…you have to choose a side.

What’s really interesting is that even in the unisex section(bikes, skateboards, etc) where you’d expect a mixture of boys and girls…you see twice as many boys. Not only that,t he girls are playing with “pink” items.

brainwashing?  We know that people are what they see and what they have the ability to see themselves in. For example – 8 years ago they asked a group of black males if they thought they’d be able to be president….98% said no. The same questions was asked currently and the answer was almost a unanimous yes.

When I asked my daughters why they thought marketers did this they said, “Ok dad. We’re girls. We like “girl” things.” This is the response I got after constantly telling them that there are no “boy” and “girl” things.  When I pressed further they explained that “it’s hard to see the world as not divided because when you play with your friends you have to see it the same way as they do, or you don’t have friends and you can’t talk with them about stuff.”

Walmart has a boy and girl section….girl pink, boy blue.

Target has a red and white section…boys red with a lot of sharp edges, girls white with a lot of clean edges.

It has been proven that strict gender roles increase violence against women and domestic violence….this is an example of upholding these strict gender roles.

The songs of our culture are the songs that dictate who we are as a culture.

Look around and we will see time and time again that music defines the culture and time we are living.

Int he 60’s, we had world changing music. music people stood by and said, we must do something. Then we had artists who showed what was happening in the world.

For example:

So now, as we look at the top 40 and the world that the students see coming out of the music what do we hear?

To quote a fabulous blogger:  “Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes. Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of breath.” He said “no” and “stop.” That should be the end of it. It sends the message “no means try harder.”  This all coming from a very very popular song “One more night” by marroon 5

Then we have quotes like: “that magic in your pants are making me blush” – obvious sexual reference. and “I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums, Oh what a shame that you came here with someone, So while you’re here in my arms, Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young” – obvious reference to it’s ok to cheat on someone. Might as well live it up now..who cares if the other person is in a relationship”  This coming from the very popular Ke$ha song “we’re gonna die young”.

Or we can quote another popular song: “Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard, When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard, Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6″…for those not intot he references: Getting drunk makes us cool and awesome like a “G6 – an expensive car and other sexual references as well). Sippin sizzurp(cold medine, red bull, and rum) in my ride (drunk driving) like Three 6 (a gangster rap group who, until recently, publicized the need to kill, destroy, beat, create violence, and be as misogynistic as possible. – Very popular G6 by the far east movement.

What is this pointing out about our culture…ask the students, ask the peopel who are influenced by this every moment. The people who walk around oblivious of the world around them with tgier earbuds in their ears witha  steady flow of influence and brainwashing as they post sexualizedf acebook posts and are creating the “hook up” culture.

The songs of our culture are the songs that dictate who we are as a culture: When we look around at our music, we understand why women are seen as they are…and why men are seen as they are. We are creating this daily and it is up to us to standup and end it!

Songs to promote DV? Really?

As a group of kids were out playing int he front yard, this song came on.  She jumped up and down and said, “WOW!!!  I love this song.”

As i watched, more and more kids came up to where they could hear the radio blasting from the house, and began to dance.

Not only did they begin to dance, they sang along to every word.

Here is the lyrics to this song:

You and I go hard, at each other like we going to war
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin’ the door
You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score
You and I get sick, yah I know that we can’t do this no more

But baby there you again, there you again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i’m feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that I’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes
Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of breath
I’d be waking up, in the morning probably hating myself
And i’d be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell

But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i’m feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know i’ve said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night

But baby there you again, there you again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know i’ve said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

(yeah baby give me one more night)

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know i’ve said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

(I don’t know, whatever…)

“You and I go hard, at each other like we going to war/You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin’ the door/You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score – Domestic violence?  YES!

This entire song is about a horrible relationship and the only reasont he “speaker” stays is because of the other person’s body. their body is the only reason to stay…so through all the hell that is this relationship: Sex makes it worth it.

This is power and control!

This is abuse….especially when you say we “go at eachother” like we’re going to war.

What’s even more disturbing is that all of those kids (remember this started off with a story of kids) knew these lyrics and knew this song…it is very popular. When I asked them what the song about this is what they said:

“About love.”

“About the way love is suppose to be.”

“About her making him love her no matter what.”

“True love”

When I asked if they noticed that it said…”I cross my heart and hope to die, that I only stay with you one more night”. the “singer” wants to leave.

They explained that it actually was saying that he hopes he’ll be able to stay for the rest of his life…because he loves her so much.

Many people will say….it’s just kids listening to a song OR they just didn’t understand.

OK….but remember, the subconscious heard all of it. The subconscious is creating the view that these kids have of a relationship. The view is that this is a “healthy” “wanted” relationship….that’s scary!

What do you think we should do about this?

 

We were nominated for “The Illuminating Blogger Award” by damn right I’m a feminist…How cool..Thank You so much.   Please check this blog out, it is a wealth of knowledge and information!

2. This is a group of males and females ranging in different ages looking toward one goal – elimination of domestic violence and violence in general.

3. beyondsexaddiction – For allowing us to see the struggle to come back from a life of hell…and a great author!

rcsfoodbank – For showing us that the problem of hunger has the ability to be solved!

Deliberate donkey – For showing everyone how hard domestic violence really is! (Thank you)

Men’s anti-violence council – We need more men to stand up, and this is proof that there are GOOD men still out there.

Claire Cappetta – For telling her story and never letting down the cause

 

The requirements for “The Illuminating Blogger” award are that I:

  1. Visit the award site, leave a comment, tell everyone who nominated you, and thank the blogger, including a link back to their site.
  2. Share a random thing about myself.
  3. Select 5 or more nominees and notify them that they’ve won the award.
  4. Put the award on your blog somewhere.

 

 

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