Risk Factors of Domestic violence part 1

We live in a society that is in flux!

It’s constantly changing, and constantly becoming different.

We, here at opt4, are striving to direct this changing society of ours so that it becomes a society where violence toward our loved ones doesn’t exist. Actually, I step back…we are not only striving to prevent domestic violence and all the names that are used to refer to it (Intimate partner violence, family violence, domestic dispute, etc, etc), but also violence in general.
We are working to look at the root causes of violence, exploit it, and ask everyone who reads or sees our posts to please help us change it. We are asking everyone to repost, reblog, retumble, and even tweet all of the information we put up so that we are able to speak to and inform as many people as we possibly can.

The more people who know, the more change will exist.

The more change that happens, the less people get abused….the less people become a prisoner in their own house/relationship…..the less people are treated horribly and disrespectfully…..the less people DIE!  Yes, DIE!

We must always remember that the root cause of all violence, especially Domestic violence, is power and control. The belief that one person(regardless of gender) wants to have power and control over another person and they will do anything and go to any extremes to make sure they have this control and have this power.

But, what creates this idea that someone would want such power and control?

These are called the risk factors…the things that promote domestic violence in a person and in our society.

Risk factors and the way of overcoming them…is what this blog is all about. For when we overcome the risk factors, we end the violence.

Riskfactors

These are the factors in people who create a person to crave power and control over someone else.

1. Lack of empathy or belief in superiority over their partner’ gender, Jealousy

This is the view that men are better or must have power of women.  This idea is used in ALL relationships, even ones where the partner is the same sex. No matter what, the abuser views the other person as below them and they need to be controlled to do what is “best for them”.

This view ok’s all maltreatment and violence towards women and gay men because they are seen as weaker, child-like, and even objects to be used.

We see this throughout our world in the way women and gay men are treated and refereed to.  Women are seen as objects and body parts to be looked at and used for the pleasure of whomever is viewing them. We exploit this idea by creating ads and video depiction of women as nothing else but a pretty face and pretty body and nothing else. (If you look back through the blog you will see many depictions of women as objects, items, and in archaic limiting social roles.)This then creates the porn culture, the sexist advertising and industries, and limitations on girls and women.

When these views are felt by a person, they begin to see everything and everyone as either “mine”(property) or “theirs” (not my property). When we see things as property, we protect it and keep it safe from someone else having it. This kind of makes sense with your $80,000 car. You’re going to make sure that no one hurts it, touches it, drives it, and when you’re away you have to protect it with alarms, surveillance systems etc. However, when you do this with a real person it is called slavery. YOU CAN NOT OWN ANOTHER PERSON!  When a person decides that a person is their property or belongs to them….jealousy exists and it can end in fatal results.  Nobody owns someone’s movements, thoughts, or ideas….and jealousy believes that you do.

Gay men are depicted and exploited to be seen as toys for other men and as weaker than “normal straight” men. Because this risk factor hold “men” as the top of the pyramid, anything less is below them and bust be controlled and injured in order for those under the “man” to understand “his” superiority. Gay men, are a particular threat to this idea of manhood since they are men. Not only are they not women, who according to this risk factor are obviously below men, but they mock the “real man” by looking like him, by sharing his gender, and by wanting to be seen as equal to him.

The more we can educate people out of this misogynistic attitude and idea, the more respect for women and gay men will appear.

 

Stop Rape….Period!

After a talk to a group of about 150 people in their early 20’s a young woman walked up to me.

She smiled and asked if I needed any help cleaning up my cords and stuff. I said no and thanked her for her kind offer.

She was about to walk away and then asked one simple little question…”Why don’t people listen?”

I was about to go into a long explanation about listening skills and the lack of communication that exists in our society when I realized there was more to this question by the look on her face. I stopped myself and asked her why.

Her story was horrible. Since she turned 18 she has been rapped twice. One time was by a friend she had known all her life.  She had just come to college and coincidentally she had run into her neighbor who had lived 2 doors down all her life. She had played with this neighbor growing up and even hung out with them when she was in high school. They had shared many great moments in the neighborhood, in school, and on various sports teams together. She was excited to know that she had a friend here in college so far from home. Unfortunately, on one particular study session this woman  raped her. She asked her to stop many times, but the other woman just continued. This same story was repeated 2 years later with a gentleman who she was quite fond of. No matter how many times she said no, or stop, or quit, or get off – it didn’t end.

Now, her only question is…why don’t people listen?

It’s sad to think that we live in a world like this. A world where there are so many people so addicted to power and control, so addicted to getting what they want that they decide to take it. They take your time. They steal your moments. They rip your comfort and happiness right from your soul.

This is not ok!

This is not right!

We all must be doing SOMETHING about ending this horrible epidemic that causes so many people’s live to be destroyed.

We must all remember we are in this together.

This is not her problem, this is OUR problem.

I end this with a quote from a man who knows all too well what abuse is and what it can do to a life…Dave Pelzer, author of the “A Child called IT” series and has become a thriver: Ask yourself: Was there anything I could have done to prevent the situation in the world? If the answer is yes, do something NOW and become a better person for it.  The victims and potential victims will thank you for it.