Tag Archive: women

This young lady stood up to the Taliban so that girls would have the right to an education.

They boarded a school bus and shot her in the head.

She survived!

Now, through all of this abuse and violence that she has had to deal with in her life….she “wants to serve the people and make sure that every person has the ability to get an education.” That girls and women have the right to be free and be equal!

May we all strive to be like this 15 year old girl.

Thank You Malala.  THANK YOU!


This is a video of sexism that has happened in 2012.

By ads…NO!

By the news.

By the the officials of our country.

By the senators/congress/leaders.

By the news.

By the media!

The sexism and attack on women and women’s bodies this year was appalling!

This is a call to action to stop this nonsense!

This is a Christmas Song?

Before we speak about the song…let us look at a scenario:

man: Want to stay the night?

woman: No.

Man: Well you can’t leave because it’s cold.

Woman: That’s ok. I need to leave.baby2

Man: But it’s warm here, and cold out there. Stay.

Woman: No, I need to leave.

Man: no you don’t, you need to stay here. It’s too cold for you to go out.

Woman: No, I really need to leave.

Man: No you don’t.

Woman: Yes, I do….

This could go on and on with the man constantly asking her to stay and breaking her down till she finally gives up (gives in) and stays. This is a perfect example of not respecting a woman’s “no”…sounds a lot liek rape to me.

Sounds a lot like disrespecting women.

Sounds a lot like sexual harassment.

However, this is exactly what this song represents. She keeps explaining that she needs to leave, and he won’t let her leave. If we add another element…what if he’s her only ride home?  Then she’s really stuck and she can only plead with him.  As this song goes on, you can almost see him pulling on her arm to get her into the bedroom, as she says NO!

What part of no means no does this guy not get?

Here are the actual lyrics:

Back here=Bing Crosby
Indented=Doris Day

I really can’t stay baby3
Baby it’s cold outside
I gotta go away
Baby it’s cold outside
This evening has been
Been hoping that youd drop by
So very nice
I’ll hold your hands their just like ice
My mother will start to worry
Beautiful what’s your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I better scurry
Beautiful please don’t hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more
Put some records on while I pour

The neighbors might think
Baby it’s bad out there
Say.. what’s in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how to break the spell
Your eyes are like starlight now
I’ll take your hat your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no sir
Mind if move in closer?
At least I’m gonna say that I tried
What’s the sense of hurtin’ my pride?
I really can’t stay
Baby don’t hold out
(Both) Ahh but its cold outside!

I simply must go
But baby it’s cold outside
The answer is no
But baby it’s cold outside
This welcome has been so nice and warm
Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious
Gosh your lips look delicious!
My brother will be there at the door
Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunts mind is vicious
Gosh your lips are delicious!
Well maybe just a cigarette more
Never such a blizzard before

I’ve got to get home
But baby you’ll freeze out there
Say lend me a coat?
It’s up to your knees out there!
You’ve really been grand
I feel when you touch my hand
But don’t you see?
How can you do this to me? no rape 1
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my life long sorrow!
At least there’ll be plenty of invised
If you caught pnemounia and died!
I really can’t stay
Get over that old out
(Both) Ahhh but it’s cold…….Outside

It’s quite scary to think how a young man listening to this song might think this is how a man should act. It’s even more scary to think that a young girl would learn this is how she should respond.

use this song as a teaching point for your kids and students…we need to eradicate this way of thinking out of our minds and lives.


End gender biasis products

Still seen as normal:

Boy: power tools, cars, weapons, blocks, building, etc

Girl: baby dolls, dolls, cooking stuff, cleaning stuff, kitchen sets, etc

The colors are of course:

boy: red, blue, green, vibrants

girl: pink, purple, pastels

Is this right? Well, a lot of chefs don’t think so. Check out this article:


I agree that we need to see the world in a more gender neutral way.

To steal the slogan of the organization missrepresented.org – you can’t be what you can’t see. We need to stop telling girls they can only be specifc jobs and act if specific ways. And of course, we DEFINETLY need to stop doing it to boys…I mean really, this creation of how boys are suppose to be is creating one of the most violent times of our existence. This idea of manhood is becoming quite blown out of proportion and we are at a crossroads that boys truly have to ask themselves: what kind of man will I become. We as a society are waiting for every man’s decision: violent or helping?

But the colors are where we have truly dropped the ball…and where this article truly makes a point.

Does a color matter…NO!!!!!  Why are we hung up on this? Why are we still creating this archaic view that a color depicts gender?


This is an article about how people in Guyana protested Chris Brown’s concert because of his domestic violence record!

YES!!!!!!!!   This is what we need. We need people all over the world to do this to every, EVERY, celebrity, person, or entity that abuses a person…especially under the guise of love.

The saying is trite but true – LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT!!!!!

The more protests, the more yelling, the more educating…people will stand up for what is right.

For those people who do not think we can end this horrible epidemic of Domestic Violecne…these protestors are proof that we are on our way.

thank you to everyone who has done something to get us here…now let’s keep it going!!!



See Jane…a new organization

I’ve instilled this idea into my daughters (both 11) and they have taken hold pretty well…but…yes but….there are odd ideas that have spread into their thinking. Suddenly, instead of telling them that they can do ANYTHING and that impossible is a cuss word in our house…I’ve watched two girls go from being anything they want to, to being a partner to something great!


So I sat them down and asked them where the World famous lead Dolphin Trainer and the Owner and operator of the Art and Design studio went.

They explained that they still wanted to do that, but they would need help from a…..wait for it……a partner who was a…..can you guess?  A man?   (I almost fell out of my chair. I never taught them they “needed” anyone. Especially a man. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m not an anti-male person for my daughters. I know very well that boyfriends and husbands and all of that stuff is coming and will be part of their life, but it does not need to define them and they definitely aren’t in “NEED” of a boy to achieve what they want.  Where did they get this idea?

The shows they watch. That’s why a new organization is trying to correct that.

See a person is who they see they can be.  Let me say that a different way: You know you can be something, if you see someone doing it…especially someone of your color or gender.

Seejane has decided to take this on and reinvent children media so that girls see that they can become women who are not accessories, but leaders!

This video explains this quite well:


So join Genna Davis and work towards seeing true gender equality in the media.  We need to have women saying when I was a kid i knew i could do anything! Right now, they don’t have a lot of role models that fit that.

Boobs for boots and a dog.


All I can ask is WHY?  WHY? WHY? WHY?

I go and speak to students all the time and explain that we CAN NOT see women as just body parts, we have to see them as whole thinking individuals. (As i just typed that I realized how ridiculous it is that we don’t see women like that!)

We can’t just look at their breasts.

We can’t just look at their butt.

A woman’s body parts are not what is the most important part of them.

Then there are 1000’s of commercials just like this.

Boots….boots…really?  that’s what this commercial is for?  I would have thought it was for a breast augmentation company or a bra company…both companies would make sense.

But boots?  Really?

Start writing e-mails to these companies that portray women like this, and then write the actress who thought this was ok. The more we make our voice heard, the more we can influence and change the way things are.

Hurricane Sandy makes landfall

On the heels of Hurricane Sandy, a disaster that history will ultimately consider to be one of the largest storms to hit the United States and will most likely be one to have an incredible financial impact to be felt for years, it is important to know what the media won’t tell you.
When Katrina came ashore in 2005, it came at a time when the media was experiencing a shift in how the news was reported. Katrina came ashore at a time when the internet was taking hold, camera phones were in the hands of the majority of the middle class, and the “citizen reporter” was a term that many people were just becoming familiar with. When Katrina came ashore, the majority of America didn’t grasp the true nature of Mother Nature. The United States has seen its share of disasters from Hurricane Andrew in 1992 to 9/11 in 2001. No one though, would ever grasp what the nation witnessed day after day starting on the night of August 28th. Approximately 2,000 people dead and 81 billion dollars of damage. As a nation, we watched as the poor die one by one, because of the lack of response. In the aftermath of Katrina there was plenty of blame to go around from FEMA to the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. What we witnessed for the first time ever, was our own biases on poverty. “Why didn’t they leave?” “How stupid do you have to be to stay when a Category 5 Hurricane is on its way?” This is my personal favorite…”Why did they buy their homes in the 9th Ward anyway?”
This however is not a post about poverty, but the beginning of a conversation of what it is we didn’t see. We all saw the poor standing on the roofs of their homes. We saw people drowning and no one will ever forget the scenes from inside the Superdome. The aftermath of Katrina began a new conversation about poverty. What happened and how do we keep it from ever happening again? So what was it we didn’t see? What didn’t they show us? What is it that is never shown by the media whenever a natural disaster occurs anywhere in the world?
The answer?
Women are the forgotten, vulnerable population in every country in the world. As succinctly as I can, here is why.
  • Women usually have less influence with the government during the planning, mitigation, and preparedness stage
  • Women in most countries, especially poor communities and 3rd world countries have less access to transportation, control over land, and control over money
  • Most jobs of rebuilding the community goes to men for the natural reason of sheer strength needed. Most governments don’t consider what a woman’s role can be and that many women can do things such as dig ditches, build houses, and use chain saws. Oftentimes, the money allocated for jobs are jobs for men pushing women further into poverty. If the woman is the head of the household or her husband dies, she often times ends up homeless.
  • Women are usually seen as the caregiver of the home. They take care of the children, the elderly, and the disabled. This is overlooked often times as a female head of household tries to recover. Many women go hungry as they feed those they take care of on the limited amount of income and food they are able to acquire.
  • When the media does show women, they are seen as weak and vulnerable, being aided by a man. There have been a number of studies on women and the media during a disaster and what they show is a society that perpetuates the “weak woman” in a time when women are at their strongest.
  • Many disaster kits are created as “gender neutral.” This means that women do not get the necessary feminine supplies needed to last several months following a disaster.
  • Rape and Domestic Violence…Rape and domestic violence has been shown time and time again to go up immediately following a disaster. Rape in 3rd world countries is such a concern that there are organizations from the international community that teach women how to stay safe by moving in pairs, basic self-defense, and reporting
So what do we do? What is happening in the Northeast right now that isn’t being reported?  When the storm subsides and the water is washed back to the ocean, what will we see and where do we go? First of all, don’t look at the media at face value. They will show you Wall Street, Times Square, the Boardwalk in Atlantic City and nice homes washed away. They will show you cars overturned and power lines down. They won’t show you how women kept their families from dying when their spouse went to cut down trees. They won’t show you how women post disaster gave up their jobs when the child care centers never opened again, so the spouse could go back to work. They won’t show you how women rebuilt the social networks of the community. They won’t show the women who fought off attackers who used the disaster as a means for violence. They won’t show you the women that kept their children alive, while they went hungry.
Here is what needs to be done all over the world;
  • Make opening and rebuilding child care centers a priority, so all adults can rebuild the community together
  • The disaster teams need to have special training in gender specific issues, which currently very few do
  • We need to see that women CAN do the MEN’S work such as hauling water and digging ditches and use the natural disasters as a way to show that women are an indispensable figure in all aspects of society
  • Women are natural community organizers. Use the women to engage the community in the mitigation stage as teachers of the importance of preparation. Give women the power to create community block parties where all neighbors are aware of each other’s vulnerabilities. Use these block parties to prepare the community. Where one person can babysit 5 children, another can gather water and another can clean debris.
  • Make sure the disaster kits that are pre-made before the disaster are gender specific and can supply the family for at least 3 months
Most importantly, we must bring a gender perspective to mitigation and recovery. We need to engage the women before and after the disaster. We need to include ALL members of the household in preparation and recovery and not just the men.
In response to increased levels of gender-based violence in Nicaragua following Hurricane Mitch, the government organized an information campaign using all types of media. The message was simple, “Violence against women is one disaster that men can prevent.” This campaign changed violence against women in Nicaragua forever…not just during the disaster. The campaign was so successful, that disasters are being used around the world as an opportunity to change how men see women. It is an opportunity for growth. Women can rebuild and women have a voice!
There is one important thing all people can do now to change our response to disasters and we can do it right now. Let’s stop the violence against women by calling an end to the misogynistic society we live in. When women on a sunny day are seen as helpless, needy, emotional, and in many places a 2nd class citizen, then how do you think they will be treated after a deadly disaster like Sandy?

YOU can END domestic violence!



This is what this blog is about!

You can make a difference to end domestic violence, teen dating violence, and all the violence of the world.

All you have to say is….I WILL!

What are you doing to end domestic violence?



The power and control wheel

The power and control wheel explains in one simple graphic how power and control inches into and destroys a relationship. It explains the signs to look for to decide if you truly are in a domestic violent relationship.

Remember…there are a lot more abuses out there than just physical.  The power and control wheel points it all out.

But where did this wheel come from?

When you speak of the history of the power and control wheel you have to speak about the “Duluth Model”..but what’s that.

A group of women in Duluth, MD created the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project.  This was the first time anyone ever tried to come up with a reason to why Domestic Abuse was happening, and the 1ast time anyone thought of preventing it.

Then 1984 arrived and changed the world forever:

– Apple McIntosh was introduced

– Ronald Reagan won his 2nd term.

-Michael Jackson was burned during the filming of a Peps Cola commercial.

– John Delorean’s famous trial is ended and so are his famous cars.

– Ceaser Chavez speaks his famous “Farm Workers” speech beginning the equal rights for farmers and immigrants movement.


Ellen Pence and her team create what is now called the Duluth mode of intervention in domestic violence cases, Coordinated Community Response (CCR), which uses an interagency collaborative approach involving police, probation, courts and human services in response to domestic abuse. The primary goal of CCR is to protect victims from ongoing abuse and the power and control wheel.

The power and control wheel, as I said above, was the first attempt to teach men and the world about the many forms of abuse and the many ways abusers use to keep their victims in fear and silence.

This was the first time the silence was truly broken!

Let us always remember, domestic violence, Rape, bullying, and violenc ein genderal is based and created from Power and Control! Anger is never the reason, merely the result.


Opt 4 ending power and control

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