Tag Archive: nonviolence


Nonviolence Now!

The idea of nonviolence is really quite simple….don’t use violence.  Done…Yeah! Problem solved!

The idea of stopping domestic violence is easy, stop hurting the people you love. Done…yeah! Problem solved.

So in order to do this we just tell people don’t be violent, they’ll listen of course, and we go home happy. The world lives in peace, and everything becomes better. Wash you hands and your job is done.

In order to end Domestic violence we just tell every person who is dating, don’t hurt the other person. they agree and promise to do it. Everyone loves the way they live and the world becomes a better place. Domestic violence stops right at that moment.

How easy this sounds…but it doesn’t work this way.  Why?  because the problem is actually baked into our national, cultural, and developmental existence.  See the 6 part series of what promotes violecne and gender inequality.

Peace and Nonviolence is the result…not the way.

The way to nonviolence is simple:

 

 

We must accept everyone for who they are right now, and understand that everything they know and do are from things they were taught.

We, no matter who you are, are socialized to be the people we are by those we grew up with and lived around.  Everything we have ever done in our life, there were others that reinforced the correctness of our actions. therefore, the person who stands in front of you is the creation of hundreds of minutes of acceptance and teaching.

That person, no matter who they are or what they are doing, are doing that because they have been created to do so.

When you accept someone for who they are, and then understand why they are that way……ONLY THEN.…can we begin the process of nonviolence and eventually peace.

An innovative professor, doctor, and author Leo Buscaglia stated that, when we can look past the person and see the humanness in them, we can find that we love all people no matter who they are or what they do.

Humanness is that part of them that is truly human, that part that is not created by a social norm or idea, that part that is not trying to prove something, that part that is truly human and looking for answers to those ever present questions: What is the meaning of my life? How can i be happy?  These are two questions that we must continually ask ourselves, and these questions are the ones we answer with every action of our lives.

At the moment of acceptance and understanding, we see the real person. When we see the real person…we do not see anything but a person looking to be happy and doing the best that they can to achieve that.

Then we may either show them a better way, educate them, or move allowing them to continue searching. if we all took this stand, we could decrease violence insurmountable!

That is how we can end violence and end domestic violence.  Educate all children to see everyone as a human being, as a person, as a person just the same as everyone else…looking for happiness.

Then we educate all children to see the world as a world of acceptance and understanding rather than a world of expectations and promises.

In the end, if a person sees a person’s human side and understands them, it makes sense they will treat them with kindness, respect, and strive to help the other person. For it is obvious, the more you try to help others, the more you help yourself.

 

   There is an old saying that says: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

The funny part about this statement is how truly easy education and prevention truly are.  All we have to do…ALL WE HAVE TO DO….is start talking, it’s truly and really just that easy.

If we begin talking to a 4 year old what nonviolence looks like (of course we’d use words she’d be able to understand)  she could kind of tell us. So we begin a conversation that lasts days, weeks, months, years, and then it continues with every adult she knows or comes in contact with….she would be more likely to understand, believe, and be part of the belief that nonviolence is an obvious solution.  What would this be….Prevention.

So where is the education part…..every moment you talk about what is right and wrong, you are educating! We must get out of this idea that education only happens in a school…we are educating every person around us with our actions, words, and things we talk about every moment of every day.  We must educate our young people especially about the need to end this epidemic of domestic violence.

An article about the domestic violence happening here in Florida by a Tampa Bay times writer Keyonna Summers talks about this need for prevention and education.

In a time where “an explosion in the number of domestic-related homicides, stalking and other violent behavior across the state [of Florida] since 2009” is happening. “The agency[Florida coalition Against Domestic Violence] also has noticed an uptick in murder-suicides reported by Florida media in the last year” , it shows the desperate need we have for prevention and education NOW more than ever.

Ms. summers interviewed many leaders of the domestic violence prevention world and their quotes are indicative of this need as well.

“What people will often say is they didn’t know what to do. They didn’t realize that someone being controlling or doing a lot of psychological abuse was just as harmful as the physical abuse and could lead to homicide just as physical violence could,” said Frieda Widera, a victim advocate at the Largo Police Department and chairwoman of the task force’s fatality review team.

“What that says to us is we need to provide more education, that the community needs to understand, not just the system,” she said. “The only way we’re going to end domestic homicide is if friends and family and co-workers and neighbors know how to recognize it and intervene.”

It keeps coming back again and again, we need more education…not just for students….for adults as well. It is shocking to walk into a room of 80-100 adults and watch their faces contort in surprise when we speak to them about what Domestic violence is, what abuse really is, and what is happening all around them. Many people put on blinders when it comes to domestic violence and lull themselves into a cocoon of ignorance truly believing that this is not happening, and the lives they live is not part of this problem.

Of course, our future….the kids, the students…they need this education as well. Because these same adults who are so surprised and shocked to find out these statistics are the same ones that are parenting and educating our children.

So we have to reach out and “teach lessons about healthy relationships to middle school-age boys and even children as young as preschool age.”

“Said Widera: “It’s planting the seeds for a new generation that won’t even consider domestic violence to be possible.”

We, the community, the group of bystanders, the men and women of the world must do as the Haven of RCS is doing and “giving free informational pamphlets and presentations to agencies and businesses, including hairstylists, dental offices and doctors, who sometimes deny that the problem affects their clientele.

The sessions train the professionals to recognize things like cuts to the scalp, broken dentures, canceled appointments or even unnecessary supervision by clients’ partners as possible symptoms of abuse.

“There’s still that stigma that it only happens to certain women and that it’s not as prevalent as it is,” said Courtney Hendrickson, Pinellas task force vice chairwoman and Haven outreach coordinator. “But it’s not one race, one culture, one socioeconomic class. It’s everyone.”

Yes, Keyonna Summers Tampa Bay times writer, it is happening to everyone.

We must begin educating everyone.  We must all be advocates for social change to end this abuse.

We must all end this destruction of people everywhere.

We can end this and it will only come about through prevention and education!

 

When we open up a magazine and there is a pictorial of violence it is not there for entertainment…even if the creators created it to be entertainment.

Our mind looks at it and says…this is violence…then the scary part happens:

1. Our mind takes a self assessment. See our mind can not tell if what we are looking at is fake our not. (Look up the research if you don’t believe this statement) So it decides it must be real since the eyes are bringing in the message.

2. Our mind becomes hyper aware…Violence equals need to know what’s going on and be prepared to act or protect ones self.  Mind begins taking in 50% more information and storing it very quickly.

3. Our mind assess our body. If it is calm and happy, this is the “normal” reaction. that means what we are looking at is “normal”.

4. Our mind matches this scene with scenes we’ve seen before, and learns that this is our reaction to this scene.

5. Finally, our mind accepts that this is the normal way of being.

In the end….if our mind sees a depiction of violence against women, it learns that this is ok and normal. The more references our mind sees to this affect….the more normal and ok it is.

******Scary Part*******

The more normal, the more ok, the more it makes sense to carry out what we see as normal and ok.

THIS IS WHY DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS SO BAD!!!!!

***********************

Then we have photographers that continue these depictions to sell things.  This article comments on just this sort of violence that is depicted int he fashion industry.

These pictures depict an acceptance to this violence towards women.

Critics say that people are jumping to conclusions and women hurt themselves all the time….but these pictures take it to a step far above accidental harming of ones self.

then there are others that say…but it’s just one pictorial.  NO!  Look through the fashion industry and you will find thousands of pictorials depicting violence against women.

Opt 4 sending letters to all companies that depict women in violent situations to sell a product.

Opt 4 stopping all sexism in advertisement.

Opt 4 educating everyone about violence against women.

 

It’s very hard to know what a healthy relationship is if you’ve never seen one.

We often assume everyone knows what a healthy relationship is.

Unfortunately, when we say the words…”healthy relationships, a number of ideas come to mind. What we don’t realize is that a number of DIFFERENT ideas come to mind for other people. This is the root of the problem. Because different people grew up differently and with different parents; therefore, learning different definitions of a healthy relationship.

So how do we get everyone on the same page?  We start the conversation.

Please though…don’t just take my words for it.  Interspersed in this post you will find other posts that deal with the same topic…please check out their ideas as well.

4 ways to create happy healthy relationships

Here is an easy list of “what to look for in a partner” or “how a healthy relationship partner will treat you”

  • Someone who supports your relationships with friends and family members.
  • Someone who is willing to get to know your family and friends.
  • Someone who gives you space to be yourself.
  • Someone who maintains their friendships as well.
  • Someone who supports your personal growth.
  • Someone who asks and wants your opinion on things.
  • Someone who you feel comfortable having a different opinion.
  • Someone you feel comfortable expressing your feelings with.
  • Someone who can admit and apologize when they are wrong.
  • Someone who accepts responsibility for their actions and behavior.
  • Someone who sees the relationship as a partnership.
  • Someone who is ok with each person controlling their own money.
  • Someone who treats OTHER people with respect.
  • Someone who trusts you and expects to be trusted.
  • Someone who encourages your hopes and dreams.
  • Someone you feel safe with.
  • someone who is sure of themselves and their own identity and is not threatened by your friendship with other people of either gender.

Attributes of a healthy relationship

Though this is a very large list, and depending on your past…may seem an insurmountable amount of expectations…it is a complete description of a truly healthy relationship.

But what I am asked most is: What if my partner doesn’t have all of these traits. What do I do then?

This is the hardest part of any relationship…what should you put up with. (Notice: i didn’t say “can put up with.” We can put up with a lot. We have been taught to put up with a lot.)

In this list, here are the things that can slip slightly (but only slightly)

– Someone who is ok with each person controlling their own money.  – This is part of the list because it can be taken to an abusive extreme called financial abuse. This is where one side of the relationship controls all of the money and the other person is given an allowance. You’re not 10. You’re not suppose to beg or ask for money in a relationship. However, some people are better at doing the books than some. YOU MUST pay attention to the money, but you don’t have to want to control it.

– Someone who gives you space to be yourself – Space is a hard term. how much space, how little space…this is your definition and no one else’s.  You must have this conversation in the beginning or you will lose it.

Qualities of a healthy relationship

Every one of these can be taken to an extreme of some sort. Remember, this is your relationship and your life. You must set the boundaries for your life, and your partner must set the boundaries for theirs. If your boundaries do not work together….the relationship can’t work. If it continues, it will turn unhealthy.

 

 

What a great advertisement from the NCDV. The UK has decided to make public awareness of domestic violence and the ability to use injunctions a major focus.

Let’s take a note from them and try to duplicate this awesome add.

Or…can we at least pass and publish this advertisement to everyone we can. This is so educational, and you know everyone loves watching youtube videos.

This is also a way to remind us that domestic violence is not a US problem, it’s a world wide epidemic, and we need to do everything we possibly can to end it!

Now is the time to stop all of the abuse that is happening world wide.

How else can we use this ad to prevent domestic violence?

How else can we use this ad to get the information out to as many people as we can?  At least we can do is use it to educate people out there that injunctions are more than just a piece of paper.

opt 4 doing something more than you’re doing right now. (We could all do more!)

opt 4 educating everyone!

Opt for eradicating the need for injunctions.

When we see violence, we do violence.

When we see peace, we do peace.

A new study of the normal ads that are in our magazines has turned this into a reality that is just scary.

This study which looked at the majority of ads that are displayed in major magazines shows an alarming amount of violence toward women. These magazines that the study looked at showed pictures and depictions of women that are flabergasting.

Here are a few:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These  magazines that these ads come from have readerships into the millions. So, lets think about the numbers for a moment. If our eyes pick up 100% of what they see, and we only consciously pick up 30%  (if we were able to process consciously 100% we’d go insane…according to neurologists). This means that your eyes are storing 70% of the stuff you see into your subconscious.

Also, by the way, your subconscious controls 60-75% of what you do on a daily basis, how you form opinions, and all of your gut reactions.

That means, every picture of this study has been stored in over 2-5 million (5,000,000 – about the population of Washington state.) people’s minds and they will actively act out according to what they see.

That means these 5 million people are actively seeing and learning that violence against women is ok.

Now for the very very scary part – these come out of about 10 magazines, for a total of 50,000,000 people (the population of California and Georgia combined)  50,000,0000 people stored these images in their consciousness and subconsciousness.

However, what if only 10% acted out their thoughts that were created by these images.  That would mean 5,000,000 women will be harmed!

Wow!  We are creating a culture of violence against women through the words we use, the images we depict, and the movies we create.

Please stop the violence.

No wonder the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) might not get funded this year after 40 years of obviously being funded.

No wonder depictions of violence toward women continues to go up.

No wonder Domestic Violence towards women continues to rise.

No wonder divorce is on the rise.

No wonder patriarchy is still in!

We must change this!

Contact these magazines, these publishers, these advertisers and say….ENOUGH!!!!!

Everything in this world is based on relationships.

How we see those relationships, will create how we see the world. This is why violence prevention or nonviolence promotion is so important in the education of our children. This obviously starts from the home.

When we speak of the many interdependency of the world, and the many relationships that are formed, used, lived around and with…i often come to think of what is called the “Yin-Yang” symbol.

This Symbol(Yin-Yang) represents the ancient Chinese understanding of how things work. The outer circle represents “everything”, while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called “yin” (black) and “yang” (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other. You will notice that in Yang (represented by the white tadpole) lies the seed of Yin (represented by the black dot) and vice-versa. In addition Yin and Yang are cyclical. In the symbol you can see that Yang grows but at its height, Yin emerge. Then Yin grows and at its height Yang appears and the cycle repeats itself. Actually another way to look at Yin and Yang is contraction and expansion!

While “yin” would be dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak, “yang” would be bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong. The shape of the yin and yang sections of the symbol, actually gives you a sense of the continual movement of these two energies, yin to yang and yang to yin, causing everything to happen: just as things expand and contract, and temperature

changes from hot to cold.

From this definition we see that these are really not the opposites of each other, but a dependent reality that we all live in.

These are the relationships we all live in on a day-to-day basis. The parent/child relationship, the teacher/student relationship (and the understanding that that relationships is also seen both ways- student/teacher ), the friend/friend relationship, the boss/coworker relationship, the female friend and male friend relationship, the boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, the girlfriend/girlfriend relationship, the boyfriend/boyfriend relationship are all relationships that we must and have to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

We must understand that within all relationships, like the yin-yang symbol, each side compliment the other.

One side has strengths where the other has weaknesses, and the other has weaknesses where the other has strengths. This constant complimentary abilities is what forms the full circle. This full circle is the connection between all people. We all can help others as well as those others can help us.

Interesting enough, violence is not part of this!

Violence is not part of yin and yang.

Violence does not come together with perfect cohesion as the yin yang do.  Violence tears, rips, attacks, destroys, and eliminates. This would never happen to something that is in harmony with the other. This ripping and destruction would not happen when something is in balance.

If violence is happening, there is an imbalance. When there is an imbalance, there is no cohesion. Without  a balance, there is only power and control. When there is no yin-yang, there is no peace, no serenity, no happiness.

Let us learn from this symbol all we can.  Let us begin to see all of our relationships in a way that balances and strengthens each other.

A true relationship is pure, peaceful, balanced, loving, and each person upholds and strengthens the other.

Imagine if you will – a world where there are no shelters, no domestic violence advocates, no abuse, no rapes, none of it.  A world that speaks of domestic violence and sexual violence in the past tense. A world where there is only speak of the positive and the happy parts of a relationship, because the bad parts are not even there. A world where there is no power and control. A world where love is the language rather than violence. a world where people see abuse and they shy and shrivel away from it because it is so foreign to them. The idea of violence is so foreign of a concept that it is seen as disgusting, revolting, sad, and gut wrenching!

Now, people have told me that this is a dream world.

Then I think about this:

End of Nazi rule was seen as a dream.

End of English rule in India was seen as a dream.

End of segregation was seen as a dream.

End of slavery was seen as a dream.

Yes, these were a dream at one point….now they are our reality.

 

Nonviolence and no abuse is a reality!

What other things were seen as dreams and are now our reality?

Opt 4 this vision of peace and love!

Many people think that violence is just such a big problem.

Many people think that violence just always is and always has been.

Actually, it can be stopped…..here’s some things that the parents and adults can do to end violence where it starts…the young ones (students, youth, kids, etc).

1. Give children consistent love and attention

– Everyone, especially children need to know they are loved and have that needed attention. Without it, they will begin to crave it and try to get that attention any way possible – including violence.

2. Communicate openly with your children and encourage them to talk about things going on in their lives.

– This type of communication allows people (kids) to know that they are cared about and that their life is important to the adults around them.

3. set clear standards for your children’s behavior, and be consistent about rules and discipline.

– Rules are out there. We all have to follow them. The more consistent these rules are upheld, the more the students learn about standards and self-control. Kids should always have a full understanding of what they did, why it was a bad choice, and the consequences.

4. Make sure your children are supervised.

– Unsupervised children do not know right from wrong because the patterns and attitudes are never developed, and they are a misfit in society. these misfits are just that ….they don’t fit in because they do not know the standards we must live by.

5. promote peaceful resolutions to conflict by being a good role model.

– The old phrase – monkey see, monkey do applies to children too. What they see parents do, they think they should do too. By modeling peaceful solutions, you show your child what is possible in their own behavior.

6.Talk to your children about the consequences of drug and weapon use, gang participation, and violence.

7.Try to limit your children’s exposure to violence in the media.

– it has been proven time and time again – violence goes into the brain, violence is acted out by the person. You must work to make your house a nonviolent house, ti doesn’t just happen that way. We must constantly stopping their exposure to violence. the more violence they see, the more violence they think is OK.

8. Make your school and community safer.

– Start with your own home and continue out to the community. There are so many things you can do to prevent violence in your community and your kid’s school.  There are many ideas on this blog and on many others. Look around the internet and make a difference!

Like playing Games?

Are you a Gamer?  Of course you are…or you know someone who is.

Jennifer Ann’s group sponsors a game contest every year. these games are created in order to teach people about dating violence and to be used as a tool to prevent dating violence.

 

Why don’t you play one right now?

 

What do you think of games on this subject?

What did you think of the games?

What other ideas for games do you have?

 

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