Tag Archive: entertainment

An annual tradition…superbowl.

Let’s put up an example…a scenario if you will. Let’s pretend (it’s not a far stretch) a young 10-12 year old girl is sitting with her family to watch the supwerbowl. When the following things happen, it’s acceptable and it’s normal.

An annual tradition….sexism at the superbowl. Sexism with the cheerleaders. (Yeah, they are wearing those skimpy clothes to get the fans to cheer. Really?  It’s the superbowl. These are tickets people save for years to get, or do it one time in their life. This isn’t a high school game where nobody is cheering….this is the biggest football game in the US. There’s no excuse for them to be dressed like that except to show off their body parts.) Sexism with the half time show. (Do we really need to show women dancing around in lingerie and strip club gear? Does this have anything to do with entertainment…or does it have to do with showing women as mere body parts again. Plus, women are ok with it…those women are, so it must be acceptable.) Finally sexism in the commercials.

Our friends at the Date safe project have written a post on those commercials:


Check it out.

Now, let’s get back to our 10-12 year old girl.  What did her society, media, parents, youtube, friends, and the news all say….that was a great game, and the performances were unbelievably great.

Girl heard: This is how to be a girl. This is what women do. This is how women dress. This is how women behave. This si what YOU are suppose to do.

Are you ok with that?


This is a video of sexism that has happened in 2012.

By ads…NO!

By the news.

By the the officials of our country.

By the senators/congress/leaders.

By the news.

By the media!

The sexism and attack on women and women’s bodies this year was appalling!

This is a call to action to stop this nonsense!

See Jane…a new organization

I’ve instilled this idea into my daughters (both 11) and they have taken hold pretty well…but…yes but….there are odd ideas that have spread into their thinking. Suddenly, instead of telling them that they can do ANYTHING and that impossible is a cuss word in our house…I’ve watched two girls go from being anything they want to, to being a partner to something great!


So I sat them down and asked them where the World famous lead Dolphin Trainer and the Owner and operator of the Art and Design studio went.

They explained that they still wanted to do that, but they would need help from a…..wait for it……a partner who was a…..can you guess?  A man?   (I almost fell out of my chair. I never taught them they “needed” anyone. Especially a man. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m not an anti-male person for my daughters. I know very well that boyfriends and husbands and all of that stuff is coming and will be part of their life, but it does not need to define them and they definitely aren’t in “NEED” of a boy to achieve what they want.  Where did they get this idea?

The shows they watch. That’s why a new organization is trying to correct that.

See a person is who they see they can be.  Let me say that a different way: You know you can be something, if you see someone doing it…especially someone of your color or gender.

Seejane has decided to take this on and reinvent children media so that girls see that they can become women who are not accessories, but leaders!

This video explains this quite well:


So join Genna Davis and work towards seeing true gender equality in the media.  We need to have women saying when I was a kid i knew i could do anything! Right now, they don’t have a lot of role models that fit that.

Songs to promote DV? Really?

As a group of kids were out playing int he front yard, this song came on.  She jumped up and down and said, “WOW!!!  I love this song.”

As i watched, more and more kids came up to where they could hear the radio blasting from the house, and began to dance.

Not only did they begin to dance, they sang along to every word.

Here is the lyrics to this song:

You and I go hard, at each other like we going to war
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin’ the door
You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score
You and I get sick, yah I know that we can’t do this no more

But baby there you again, there you again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i’m feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that I’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes
Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of breath
I’d be waking up, in the morning probably hating myself
And i’d be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell

But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i’m feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know i’ve said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night

But baby there you again, there you again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know i’ve said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

(yeah baby give me one more night)

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i’ll only stay with you one more night
And I know i’ve said it a million times
But i’ll only stay with you one more night

(I don’t know, whatever…)

“You and I go hard, at each other like we going to war/You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin’ the door/You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score – Domestic violence?  YES!

This entire song is about a horrible relationship and the only reasont he “speaker” stays is because of the other person’s body. their body is the only reason to stay…so through all the hell that is this relationship: Sex makes it worth it.

This is power and control!

This is abuse….especially when you say we “go at eachother” like we’re going to war.

What’s even more disturbing is that all of those kids (remember this started off with a story of kids) knew these lyrics and knew this song…it is very popular. When I asked them what the song about this is what they said:

“About love.”

“About the way love is suppose to be.”

“About her making him love her no matter what.”

“True love”

When I asked if they noticed that it said…”I cross my heart and hope to die, that I only stay with you one more night”. the “singer” wants to leave.

They explained that it actually was saying that he hopes he’ll be able to stay for the rest of his life…because he loves her so much.

Many people will say….it’s just kids listening to a song OR they just didn’t understand.

OK….but remember, the subconscious heard all of it. The subconscious is creating the view that these kids have of a relationship. The view is that this is a “healthy” “wanted” relationship….that’s scary!

What do you think we should do about this?


We were nominated for “The Illuminating Blogger Award” by damn right I’m a feminist…How cool..Thank You so much.   Please check this blog out, it is a wealth of knowledge and information!

2. This is a group of males and females ranging in different ages looking toward one goal – elimination of domestic violence and violence in general.

3. beyondsexaddiction – For allowing us to see the struggle to come back from a life of hell…and a great author!

rcsfoodbank – For showing us that the problem of hunger has the ability to be solved!

Deliberate donkey – For showing everyone how hard domestic violence really is! (Thank you)

Men’s anti-violence council – We need more men to stand up, and this is proof that there are GOOD men still out there.

Claire Cappetta – For telling her story and never letting down the cause


The requirements for “The Illuminating Blogger” award are that I:

  1. Visit the award site, leave a comment, tell everyone who nominated you, and thank the blogger, including a link back to their site.
  2. Share a random thing about myself.
  3. Select 5 or more nominees and notify them that they’ve won the award.
  4. Put the award on your blog somewhere.




A young man told me he liked wearing skirts too…when I told him, though I’m a guy, I think skirts are comfortable.  I always say they help with the “crushing” factor.

I was looking at a dead dog in the street and it had a collar that said, my family loves me. It made me cry and made me pick up the dog and find his home. 3 boys watched me do this and watched me cry…they called me a “pussy” for crying. I asked them if they had a dog and their response was, “Yeah, so.” Then I showed them the collar and said, some little boy put this collar on this dog because it was their dog. I told them that’s why i was crying and it was ok to cry. They looked at each other and began to cry thinking about their dog lying in the street. those boys helped me bag up the dog to take to the vet.

I watched a boy throw a ball…he was 9. He couldn’t throw it at all, maybe his brain just wasn’t connecting the way the muscles had to work. An older boy told him he threw like a girl, so I had the little girl on the fast pitch softball team who lives next door to throw the older boy a ball. I explained…that’s throwing like a girl. The boy has now stopped people using that phrase. BTW – the 9 year old is now 20, and still doesn’t know how to throw a baseball, but he’s really good at drawing.

We have to redefine manhood…we have to redefine what a man is!



What do you think about Chris Brown’s new tattoo?

Do you think it looks like Rhianna after she was battered:

It took me a long time to understand that once you are out of a domestic violence situation, it just means you are out of physical harm. The emotional harm is far reaching and impacts every decision you make. It consumes your every thought, although you don’t realize it. Once you are taught to fear, that fear impacts every aspect of your life. I was never touched. I was however, brutally abused mentally. There were times at work when I would stay just a few minutes later than I had to, just to give me less time at home. I turned down professional opportunities that required travel, because of the fear of what would ensue when I got home. “What did you do while you were there?” “Who did you go with?” “Why didn’t you call?” A victim can’t ever answer those questions correctly. Nothing is ever right. I always drove a little bit slower the closer I got to the house every afternoon. I feared what the night would be like if his football team or baseball team lost. I learned to hate the sound of a beer can being opened. Even when someone pops open a can of coke at work, I become anxious. It’s like when a war vet hears a car back fire.

Some days were good. Actually, most were. I didn’t know however that my whole life was being designed to please him, because I feared him. I’m a very strong woman and one day I got the courage to go see a lawyer. I didn’t hire her, but she gave me papers to look over and her card. She told me to leave them out of sight like in my office or at a friends house. I left the papers in my car. One day, I asked him to take my car for an oil change. I forgot the papers were in there. The entire time he was gone, I prayed he wouldn’t find them. He came home and never mentioned it. For several days he never mentioned it. I just assumed he never saw them. I was wrong. He did find them and one night when I didn’t want to have sex, he went out to my car very calmly, came back in the house with the purple folder the papers were in, and laid them in front of me on the table. He didn’t say a word, his eyes said it all and later that night we had sex.

Chris Brown was in the news in 2009 for brutally beating his then girlfriend Rihanna. Domestic violence in the rap community is nothing new, nor in Hollywood in general. There is a part of me that actually believes the public enjoys this. They have to, because they wouldn’t still be supporting the media that exploits it and buying the records that promote it. Today it was reported that Chris Brown has a new tattoo on his neck. It’s a clear image of a woman who has been beaten up. He says that it isn’t Rihanna. His entourage and his manager says it isn’t Rihanna. I however, believe it is. Fear from an abuser can last a lifetime. By placing that tattoo on his neck he just told Rhianna that he still has power and he will stop at nothing to make sure she remembers what he did to her. The power and control can last long after the relationship ends.

I don’t know much about Rihanna or Chris Brown. I do know though, that domestic violence is powerful and all the money in the world won’t make that fear go away. My friends and I have a code. No one would ever guess it. Every night I leave a post on Facebook about something totally random. I might mention about a tv show I watched or about something that happened that day. It doesn’t matter. They in turn check to make sure I left the post. That’s their way of knowing I’m ok. The reason we do this is because fear is so powerful that it makes you scared to act. When I don’t post anything, I get a text that is also benign in nature. We have codes and those codes are for safety.

I’ll tell you that I’ve had enough of this conversation of domestic violence and the story of the woman who is raped and beaten. It’s fear that does the damage. You can’t arrest someone for instilling fear. You can’t arrest someone for getting a tattoo on their neck. It’s all a game to them of power and control. Women in power or the public eye, always act strong for the tv cameras. Just look at how women whose husbands have affairs act. Look at Sandra Bullock or Elizabeth Edwards. They are so strong. At least that’s what they show us. Look at what happened to Whitney Houston. Look at the popularity of Eminem. He actively sings about domestic violence and hate as a way to make money and we buy the albums. I even have one. My justification, “I love the beat.” Rihanna and Eminem sang, “I Love the Way You Lie,” as a statement of domestic violence. She plays the role of going back because she loves being treated like this and he plays the role of believing they were meant to be together, “I guess this is what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.” “If she ever tries to leave again I’m going to tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.” That song won Grammy’s. It made a statement, but it didn’t make an impact, because it was seen as two people who deserve each other and love the violence.

We have to start telling this story the way the story really happens, because the world won’t change if we keep sanitizing it and we have to stop the financial support for these artists who are using domestic violence and hate as a way to make money.

Here’s another thought on this:  Laura Bates

Horrible pro-DV youtube video

What do you do when you’re browsing youtube and you find a video you don’t like?

Comment on it..of course.   Then you can report it to youtube and they will take it down.

The following youtube video was posted on youtube 3 times, this being the third.

The 1st time, the comments had people saying things like: “lol, lol, lol”  and “this is so funny” and  so many other pro-dv  and victim blaming comments that it was pulled off youtube as soon as they were notified.

The 2nd time it was put on yourtube the same comments, from different people of course, streaked across the comments section. Then, suddenly as if the light of understanding shown forth…educating comments came in.  Comments such as: “Dv is not funny”, Dv is wrong”, etc, etc.  Then youtube took it down again.

However, for a 3rd time…they are trying it. I’m unsure why they are so forceful in wanting to poke fun at domestic violence and intimate partner relationships…but they do.

These are the types of people we’re trying to educate. These are the people we are trying to help understand that making fun of DV is not helping to end it.

Help all of us send a united voice to them and all the followers….this youtube video is not acceptable, especially for all the lives that are lost and destroyed because of this horrible epidemic!


We need REAL role models

I sat talking with some kids the other day and I asked them who their role models were.

Their answers were the obvious answers you’d expect from kids….sports stars, TV stars, and movie stars. Pretty standard.

I asked some high school students the same question, and I got the same types of answers with a few different ones: my dad, my mom, and a few friends of the family that they knew.

I split each group into gender and asked who would be a good role model for their gender.

For the children:

Girls: Disney TV stars and movie stars.

Boys: Sports stars (NFL, MLB mostly, wrestling)

For the high school students:

Girls: TV stars, and music stars, and also People doing what they wanted to do (I.e biologists, teachers, etc)

Boys: Sports stars, music stars, dad, and uncle

After this, I named some people who have done some great things: Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Senator Clinton, Lilly Leadbetter, Bill McKibben, Billie Holiday, Eleanor Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt, Abigail Adams, Tom Edison. Their faces went blank.

I showed them pictures of these people and there was som recognition…but not much.

I believe we need to start showing our children great people. Showing them what people are doing and what people have done. Are kids are inundated with TV, movie, and music stars. It’s all they see so it’s all they see as a role model.

Now is the time to start changing the role models by exposing kids to these role models.

There are kids changing the world right now….and most kids don’t even know them.

Abby Goldberg, a student from Grayslake, Ill., was working on an effort to ban single-use plastic bags in her community as part of a school project. After beginning to mobilize many in her community to support the effort, lobbyists with the plastics industry put pressure on statewide legislators to prevent local communities in Illinois from banning plastic bags.

This young lady is just one person who has done something.

We have to start showcasing and putting good role models in front of the students of today. Maybe then the students will see that there is more to life than riches, infidelity, violence, and excess.

Who are the people that are doing great things today?

Who are the kids doing great things today?


REAL Manhood!

Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age, but being a Gentleman is a matter of choice.


Listen to understand, then speak with love – Advice from a father to a son.


REAL men protect and nurture children…Because they do!

Real men wear pink. Because it’s just a color. Because it shows our support for Breast Cancer. Because we can, and we do!


A video posted by Engaging men in gender equality.  Please watch the whole thing…the 1st part is the wrong view…and by showing the wrong view…we find what real men are and are suppose to be.

Real men don’t hit women. Simply – BECAUSE THEY DONT! Anything else is not acceptable and it is up to every male and female to stand up to those who do!

Real men don’t rape…because they don’t. This is one of the most vile dispicable acts that can be done to a person or by a person, and it will not and can not be accepted. EVEN if you’re a comedian like Daniel Tosh. Boycott Danile Tosh, tosh.o for he sees Rape as funny!

A real man is not hard to define.  A real man is respectful, happy, kind, and helps others. A real man uses his strength to control himself and protect others.





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