Tag Archive: celebrities

An annual tradition…superbowl.

Let’s put up an example…a scenario if you will. Let’s pretend (it’s not a far stretch) a young 10-12 year old girl is sitting with her family to watch the supwerbowl. When the following things happen, it’s acceptable and it’s normal.

An annual tradition….sexism at the superbowl. Sexism with the cheerleaders. (Yeah, they are wearing those skimpy clothes to get the fans to cheer. Really?  It’s the superbowl. These are tickets people save for years to get, or do it one time in their life. This isn’t a high school game where nobody is cheering….this is the biggest football game in the US. There’s no excuse for them to be dressed like that except to show off their body parts.) Sexism with the half time show. (Do we really need to show women dancing around in lingerie and strip club gear? Does this have anything to do with entertainment…or does it have to do with showing women as mere body parts again. Plus, women are ok with it…those women are, so it must be acceptable.) Finally sexism in the commercials.

Our friends at the Date safe project have written a post on those commercials:


Check it out.

Now, let’s get back to our 10-12 year old girl.  What did her society, media, parents, youtube, friends, and the news all say….that was a great game, and the performances were unbelievably great.

Girl heard: This is how to be a girl. This is what women do. This is how women dress. This is how women behave. This si what YOU are suppose to do.

Are you ok with that?


30 sexiest ads of 2012 as done by adrants.com   

(Caution!!!!  These are ads that are deemed “sexy” therefore you will see gratuitous focus on women’s bodies. Click at your own risk.  However, all of these ads were on TV at one point or another during 2012.  )

There is a very good reason I put this link here. We experience the world through our senses. Eyes and ears play a very big role in this experience. Through the eyes and the ears we get over 60% of all stimuli needed to experience our reality. Feelings can be created with a combination of using our eyes, ears, and brain – the brain will then create a visceral feeling we can actually feel on our skin. Taste and smell are so interrelated that they are often left off this spectrum, but that’s ok because in many experiences they are only 30% of our sensations – and the brain does wonders filling that part in too.

But wait…if we are experiencing our lives through these mediums, that means TV and ads actually create and develop the way we see the world. BINGO!!!

(BTW – Scent is intricate in creating a relationship…but we are being taught to bypass that for visual. It has been found that if we bypass our sense of smell when it comes to a relationship – we have very little basis for that relationship other than physical.)

Since this is true – The advertising agencies are selling us a “reality” that is simply not a reality. However, they are engaging our entire brain to make sure we see it as reality. This is fine and dandy when you know it….


Therefore, you have people looking at these ads, porn, and TV shows that all show women as mindless bodies walking around wanting only us. Then men are taught that these mindless bodies is what they are suppose to want. They go out in search of these mindless bodies (hence the cat calling, and street harassment – see it’s ok, because women aren’t real people, (yep you guessed it) they are just mindless bodies) and then are disappointed when these mindless bodies speak.

However, when the speaking happens…advertisement, TV, and movies are here to save the day again. They have taught men that it’s ok not to listen, just as long as you say the right thing to be able to touch more of the bodies you’ve been taught to lust after.

In the end, it becomes very frustrating that everything we see says we should be able to have and should want the mindless bodies….but they all have minds.

However, male privileged has taught us that we don’t have to listen to this nonsense…we can use power and control to create fear, and then the mindless bodies will act right.

Then we have domestic violence!

Is this jump too radical…not according to the brain science that we are unearthing on a daily basis. This is a culmination of data from the likes of great speakers such as Jean Kilbourne – creator of the Killing Us softly videos, and her multiple books about the perception of women and how that perception creates violence.  There is also the Media Literacy Campaign that shows time and time again how the media creates views and ideas of our own reality that is often not a reality it all.

So what do we do?  Contact each and every one of these businesses that ok’d these advertisements and say…NO!  This is not ok!

When we speak in one voice, we end the problems and the violence!


Jada gives girls a voice!



Yes…Jada Pinkett-Smith, the woman who is married to Will Smith and decided to hyphenate her name…a role model for women everywhere!  yes, i said it!

Jada made big news by letting her “I whip my hair back and forth” daughter shave her head.  What?  A girl with no hair?  that’s front page news, that’s a newsworthy comment.


Really people?  Women are not defined by their hair, their clothes, or the people they are with. Women are defined by their actions and who they truly are!

But what did Jada say to this when it all happened?
“This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to them

selves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power, or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit, and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes, and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be. More to come. Another day.”
Wow….I think that said it all!

I’ve instilled this idea into my daughters (both 11) and they have taken hold pretty well…but…yes but….there are odd ideas that have spread into their thinking. Suddenly, instead of telling them that they can do ANYTHING and that impossible is a cuss word in our house…I’ve watched two girls go from being anything they want to, to being a partner to something great!


So I sat them down and asked them where the World famous lead Dolphin Trainer and the Owner and operator of the Art and Design studio went.

They explained that they still wanted to do that, but they would need help from a…..wait for it……a partner who was a…..can you guess?  A man?   (I almost fell out of my chair. I never taught them they “needed” anyone. Especially a man. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m not an anti-male person for my daughters. I know very well that boyfriends and husbands and all of that stuff is coming and will be part of their life, but it does not need to define them and they definitely aren’t in “NEED” of a boy to achieve what they want.  Where did they get this idea?

The shows they watch. That’s why a new organization is trying to correct that.

See a person is who they see they can be.  Let me say that a different way: You know you can be something, if you see someone doing it…especially someone of your color or gender.

Seejane has decided to take this on and reinvent children media so that girls see that they can become women who are not accessories, but leaders!

This video explains this quite well:


So join Genna Davis and work towards seeing true gender equality in the media.  We need to have women saying when I was a kid i knew i could do anything! Right now, they don’t have a lot of role models that fit that.


A young man told me he liked wearing skirts too…when I told him, though I’m a guy, I think skirts are comfortable.  I always say they help with the “crushing” factor.

I was looking at a dead dog in the street and it had a collar that said, my family loves me. It made me cry and made me pick up the dog and find his home. 3 boys watched me do this and watched me cry…they called me a “pussy” for crying. I asked them if they had a dog and their response was, “Yeah, so.” Then I showed them the collar and said, some little boy put this collar on this dog because it was their dog. I told them that’s why i was crying and it was ok to cry. They looked at each other and began to cry thinking about their dog lying in the street. those boys helped me bag up the dog to take to the vet.

I watched a boy throw a ball…he was 9. He couldn’t throw it at all, maybe his brain just wasn’t connecting the way the muscles had to work. An older boy told him he threw like a girl, so I had the little girl on the fast pitch softball team who lives next door to throw the older boy a ball. I explained…that’s throwing like a girl. The boy has now stopped people using that phrase. BTW – the 9 year old is now 20, and still doesn’t know how to throw a baseball, but he’s really good at drawing.

We have to redefine manhood…we have to redefine what a man is!



This is late notice…but I hope everyone who reads this can watch tomorrow.
That’s right…I said tomorrow Sept 20, 2012.

Katie Couric has her own show and she is having the mother and sister of college student Yeardley Love. You’ll remember, Ms. Love was brutally killed by her savage ex-boyfriend because she broke up with him.

They are speaking out about how they feel, what this has done to their lives, and what they want us all to do to end this horrible epidemic!

Not only that, they will be digging deeper into the epidemic of dating violence.

This will be an educational show for everyone to watch.




What do you think about Chris Brown’s new tattoo?

Do you think it looks like Rhianna after she was battered:

It took me a long time to understand that once you are out of a domestic violence situation, it just means you are out of physical harm. The emotional harm is far reaching and impacts every decision you make. It consumes your every thought, although you don’t realize it. Once you are taught to fear, that fear impacts every aspect of your life. I was never touched. I was however, brutally abused mentally. There were times at work when I would stay just a few minutes later than I had to, just to give me less time at home. I turned down professional opportunities that required travel, because of the fear of what would ensue when I got home. “What did you do while you were there?” “Who did you go with?” “Why didn’t you call?” A victim can’t ever answer those questions correctly. Nothing is ever right. I always drove a little bit slower the closer I got to the house every afternoon. I feared what the night would be like if his football team or baseball team lost. I learned to hate the sound of a beer can being opened. Even when someone pops open a can of coke at work, I become anxious. It’s like when a war vet hears a car back fire.

Some days were good. Actually, most were. I didn’t know however that my whole life was being designed to please him, because I feared him. I’m a very strong woman and one day I got the courage to go see a lawyer. I didn’t hire her, but she gave me papers to look over and her card. She told me to leave them out of sight like in my office or at a friends house. I left the papers in my car. One day, I asked him to take my car for an oil change. I forgot the papers were in there. The entire time he was gone, I prayed he wouldn’t find them. He came home and never mentioned it. For several days he never mentioned it. I just assumed he never saw them. I was wrong. He did find them and one night when I didn’t want to have sex, he went out to my car very calmly, came back in the house with the purple folder the papers were in, and laid them in front of me on the table. He didn’t say a word, his eyes said it all and later that night we had sex.

Chris Brown was in the news in 2009 for brutally beating his then girlfriend Rihanna. Domestic violence in the rap community is nothing new, nor in Hollywood in general. There is a part of me that actually believes the public enjoys this. They have to, because they wouldn’t still be supporting the media that exploits it and buying the records that promote it. Today it was reported that Chris Brown has a new tattoo on his neck. It’s a clear image of a woman who has been beaten up. He says that it isn’t Rihanna. His entourage and his manager says it isn’t Rihanna. I however, believe it is. Fear from an abuser can last a lifetime. By placing that tattoo on his neck he just told Rhianna that he still has power and he will stop at nothing to make sure she remembers what he did to her. The power and control can last long after the relationship ends.

I don’t know much about Rihanna or Chris Brown. I do know though, that domestic violence is powerful and all the money in the world won’t make that fear go away. My friends and I have a code. No one would ever guess it. Every night I leave a post on Facebook about something totally random. I might mention about a tv show I watched or about something that happened that day. It doesn’t matter. They in turn check to make sure I left the post. That’s their way of knowing I’m ok. The reason we do this is because fear is so powerful that it makes you scared to act. When I don’t post anything, I get a text that is also benign in nature. We have codes and those codes are for safety.

I’ll tell you that I’ve had enough of this conversation of domestic violence and the story of the woman who is raped and beaten. It’s fear that does the damage. You can’t arrest someone for instilling fear. You can’t arrest someone for getting a tattoo on their neck. It’s all a game to them of power and control. Women in power or the public eye, always act strong for the tv cameras. Just look at how women whose husbands have affairs act. Look at Sandra Bullock or Elizabeth Edwards. They are so strong. At least that’s what they show us. Look at what happened to Whitney Houston. Look at the popularity of Eminem. He actively sings about domestic violence and hate as a way to make money and we buy the albums. I even have one. My justification, “I love the beat.” Rihanna and Eminem sang, “I Love the Way You Lie,” as a statement of domestic violence. She plays the role of going back because she loves being treated like this and he plays the role of believing they were meant to be together, “I guess this is what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.” “If she ever tries to leave again I’m going to tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.” That song won Grammy’s. It made a statement, but it didn’t make an impact, because it was seen as two people who deserve each other and love the violence.

We have to start telling this story the way the story really happens, because the world won’t change if we keep sanitizing it and we have to stop the financial support for these artists who are using domestic violence and hate as a way to make money.

Here’s another thought on this:  Laura Bates

We need REAL role models

I sat talking with some kids the other day and I asked them who their role models were.

Their answers were the obvious answers you’d expect from kids….sports stars, TV stars, and movie stars. Pretty standard.

I asked some high school students the same question, and I got the same types of answers with a few different ones: my dad, my mom, and a few friends of the family that they knew.

I split each group into gender and asked who would be a good role model for their gender.

For the children:

Girls: Disney TV stars and movie stars.

Boys: Sports stars (NFL, MLB mostly, wrestling)

For the high school students:

Girls: TV stars, and music stars, and also People doing what they wanted to do (I.e biologists, teachers, etc)

Boys: Sports stars, music stars, dad, and uncle

After this, I named some people who have done some great things: Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Senator Clinton, Lilly Leadbetter, Bill McKibben, Billie Holiday, Eleanor Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt, Abigail Adams, Tom Edison. Their faces went blank.

I showed them pictures of these people and there was som recognition…but not much.

I believe we need to start showing our children great people. Showing them what people are doing and what people have done. Are kids are inundated with TV, movie, and music stars. It’s all they see so it’s all they see as a role model.

Now is the time to start changing the role models by exposing kids to these role models.

There are kids changing the world right now….and most kids don’t even know them.

Abby Goldberg, a student from Grayslake, Ill., was working on an effort to ban single-use plastic bags in her community as part of a school project. After beginning to mobilize many in her community to support the effort, lobbyists with the plastics industry put pressure on statewide legislators to prevent local communities in Illinois from banning plastic bags.

This young lady is just one person who has done something.

We have to start showcasing and putting good role models in front of the students of today. Maybe then the students will see that there is more to life than riches, infidelity, violence, and excess.

Who are the people that are doing great things today?

Who are the kids doing great things today?


It’s an old education adage: add more than just your speaking and you get learning.

This is to show educators that they need to add more into their educational repertoire than just their voice.

It goes something like this:

Speak and you will get 20% learning.

Add music to your speaking and you will increase learning to 40%. This is why the Mozart effect is so popular with young kids. When you add music to their learning, they learn in leaps and bounds. In fact, when you add music to babies and teens learning they can absorb information 10 times faster. (Imagine what the music that is going into their ears are doing to them. Especially when you have teenagers with their ear buds in their ears 75-85% of the time.)

Add flickering lights to your music and your speaking and you will get 60-80% learning.

Use film to teach and you as an educator will get 75% learning, but it will also imprint itself onto the subconscious.

It has been shown that when you bypass the conscious with flickering lights and music, you can learn so much better.  but what about when the educator/teacher is the one teaching?

This is the 2nd part of our series: Film Media

In part 1 we spoke about print media and how the picture and the written word influenced our world, now we talk about the film industry.

Again, this blog is no stranger to the problems and ills of the film and commercial industry:

Don’t let anyone tell you how to look

Making a woman an object

Enough with the blood and bruises

Odd media shift

Portrayal of women in disney

Remember however, that film media has become a babysitter to our children. Wait…before you get your feathers ruffled….

Disney has a 24 hour TV channel – It’s statistics state that at least 10 persons between the age of 13-18 are watching the channel at any given minute.

When the TV and movie executives want to know what to promote and put out, they ask the ages of 16-25.

There are over 50 channels (low number) in any cable line up directly geared to children and these channels run 24/7.

Disney, Pixar, and Dreamworks puts out at least 3 movies per year and markets these 3 movies 95% of the year on their TV channels and on all channels that have a younger viewing population.

Now in order to put down the stigma of babysitting through TV, we now have parents at home with the TV on, so there is some sort of accountability. We also have parental controls, but it’s been shown they are used only 2% of the time in most TV viewing households. Also, most of the shows have a lesson, a moral, and a suggested educational theme to them.

However, even the shows that are geared to kids are still upholding the societal gender roles and depictions of girls and women. These are also part of the lessons, morals, and suggested educational theme. How to be a boy, how to be a girl. However, it’s a lot more behind the scenes and you really have to look for it.  This is because they are teaching to your subconscious, not your conscious mind.

When we look at popular female roles in the film media we see women who are awaiting men’s approval, rescue, and companionship. We also see the women as skinny, fair-skinned, and have long flowing hair. Their goals are to increase their wealth, their status, their male companion choice, and their marriage options.  Not only that, these women are incomplete without a partner (a man) and have trouble doing things without guidance (mostly from men). When a woman treks out on her own catastrophe, violence, destruction, and fear dominate her way till a male figure (can be an animal character) arrives to help and save the day.

These depictions and characterizations teach girls how they are seen and “suppose to act” in the society they are growing up in. It is possible that the creators did not intend these teachings, but they ARE there…and they are actively teaching our young ladies who they are.

The way women are viewed in film and commercials immediately depict how men deal with women, how society deals with women, and the results are always corrosive to gender equality.

Recently, USC did a study looking at the inequality of women to men in film. Here are the finding from the study.  If you’re interested in the full findings, please visit this site

32.8% of the 4,342 speaking characters were female and 67.2% were male.

– This hasn’t changed in the last 10 years. Yes, before the last 10 years, the numbers were vastly different. Men’;s speaking roles were close to 80-90%.

“This reveals an industry formula for gender that may be outside of people’s conscious awareness.”USC Annenberg associate professor Stacy L. Smith.

It’s not just the ratio of female to male characters that continues to be imbalanced but the manner in which they’re depicted, according to Smith.

The USC study determined that women were still far more likely than men to wear sexy clothing in movies, such as swimwear and unbuttoned shirts (25.8% women versus 4.7% men), to expose skin (23% women versus 7.4% men) and to be described by another character as attractive (10.9% women versus 2.5% men).

Revealing clothing and partial nudity was just as prevalent among 13- to 20-year-old female characters as it was among those 21 to 29, suggesting that females are sexualized on-screen at young ages,Smith said.

Researchers found that the sex of the storytellers had a significant effect on what appeared on-screen. In movies directed by women, 47.7% of the characters were female; in movies directed by men, fewer than a third of the characters were female. When one or more of the screenwriters was female, 40% of characters were female; when all the screenwriters were male, 29.8% of the characters were female.

So what we see in films is a sexualization and objectification of women.   We are also seeing that men are supposed to be  speaking or spoken to, whereas women are supposed to be seen with very little clothing on and speaking very little. Even with this very big push on gender equality and women power we seem to be seeing on the screens and the internet, this study shows we are still seeing women as sex objects and body parts rather than as intelligent people to be taken seriously.

When TV, Film, are used to entertain the general populace in this way it becomes a didactic (teaching) few hours in male and female socialization. Males see how women are supposed to be seen and treated, and how much they should be speaking and doing things. This also shows men how women should dress, look, and generally be seen. This also shows women how they are expected to act, speak, and dress. Every minute spent watching TV and film with these teachings in them, will increase how a person sees themselves, their society, the people around them, and where they fit in this world.

When TV, commercials, and film depict women as sexualized objects and body parts and not intelligent speaking women, it sets the stage for viewing women as merely things and as a gender that is below men. When this happens, abuse and marginalization are expected to be seen.

Sadly, this is exactly what is being seen in our society. We are seeing abuse and marginalization towards the female gender on a daily basis.




I was wrangled in to watching prime time TV.  I’m not a big TV fan, and if I am watching TV I watch educational or didactic TV.

As much as I am aware of things going on on TV…it doesn’t mean I have to pollute my head to do my job.

It was amazing what I saw and heard.

Let’s start with advertisements –

Every commercial played to some gender or societal stereotype.  If i watched these commercials every day, I would be fully convinced that boys play sports and get dirty, plus they are ravenous eating machines when they get to the teen-age world. I’d also believe they don’t mind, they try to get away with everything, and they are essentially violent.

Girls are stalkers, they are talkative, they think of only chocolate, family, and housekeeping. They always are participating in either family, girls getaways, or doing the cleaning and cooking.

Wait…let’s look at this for a moment. According to these commercials women hold down a full-time 40-50 hour job, drive the kids around, clean the house, cook the meals, and do the laundry. They are also expected to know what is going on throughout the household and what the answers to everyone’s questions in the family are.  Interesting enough, the man is rough, tough, and likes cars and trucks. He plays with the kids, but doesn’t do any of the housework.

Interesting enough – that is our society’s view on women and women as well. Commercials are merely mirrors to our society…however, when the watchers buy into that reflection..it becomes a reality. Similar to accepting the fact that you are “fat’ because you see it in the mirror everyday.

Taking the mirror/fat example, that is your reflection now…you can change it if you so choose.  When you do change it, the reflection in the mirror will change.

Prime time TV is a call to action… not entertainment.

We are seeing the reflection of our societal views, thoughts, ideas, and conversations when we watch prime time TV. We are watching what people…right now, in the majority of our society is thinking. We are looking at the mirror with all of our flaws and discrepancies all hanging out. This is really how our culture and society sees the genders and the people that are in it.

Now is the time for change.

Now is the time for the mirror to show the more healthy us!

Now is the time to see the world that is possible, rather than the world which we are accepting.

This TV garbage does not have to be what we are…instead it can be our past.

How do we change it?

By writing letters to the corporations and TV channels, locally and nationally and ask them not to put on things about gender stereotypes that produce wrong ideas and feelings.

Begin boycotting the channels!  E-mail and facebook this view to everyone you know and ask them to boycott and send letters as well.

We must take a stand, or this reflection of our society will only get worse and become a very scary reality!

Opt 4 a different reality.

Opt 4 changing our normal.

Opt 4 reinventing who we see ourselves as.

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