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When will Domestic Violence end?

When will the abuse stop?

These are questions asked by victim again and again. They endure the pain, they endure the abuse, they endure the shame…and then they do it again and again and again and again!  After the bruises and the pain starts to heal they ask:

When will the domestic violence end?

When will the abuse stop?

These are questions asked by our DV shelters and prevention professionals. When is this all going to stop?  when will this end?  We take tons of people in every day. The ratio of 1 in every 4 women are in an abusive relationship has been found in multiple studies and data information…but what is really going on?  Why do the number keep happening?

A big reason is people like this priest in Italy:

When a person decides to make comments that it is the victims fault…

When a person decides to make comments that a woman’s role in the abuse she suffers is how she takes care of the abuser…

When we want the finger to pointed at the victim…

When we are telling the abuser that what they did is right, but what the victim did was wrong….

When we say that the way a person acts will cause people to hurt them…

We are increasing the likelihood of this happening again. We are taking the blame of the “violent one”. We are deciding that the victim is always at fault. This can’t happen!!!

Then to add these statements to the mouth of a respected church official…it is coming from the pulpit. Essentially coming from “god”. Really people?  We can’t do this!

God does not say beat people up, hurt people, abuse people….those are actions of mortals and men. Those are actions that are not condoned in any way shape or form.

when we start publicly blaming the victim of abusive crimes…we tell the abusers that their actions are ok.

Are we seriously telling the abusers that their actions are ok?  What do you think?


We must listen tot he music everyone listens to…because it infects our brain that much!

On the 12th day I wanted to give you the song that inspired it all…all 12 days!!!  Yeah you made it.

On the 12th day of prevention I….

became part of the solution and decided I can no longer live my life like I do and decided to DO something about preventing domestic violence!

How do you do that?

Good Question: You go out and start educating yourself. Watch DVd’s, attend seminars, and talk to your local shelter. Get educated about domestic violence and then educate everyone else.

The number one most ridiculous reality about Dv is that…’s 100% easily preventable!  All you have to do is not hurt the one you love!  That’s it!!! So let’s go out and prevent this disease.

Happy Christmas!


Happy 11th day of prevention..I’m glad you’re here!

On the 11th day of prevention I…

thanked everyone who I know that are respectful, nonviolent, and promote domestic violence prevention!


Those people who do the right thing all the time are often not thanked. Everyone loves being thanked for what they believe they should be doing…this kind gesture will go a long way in the coming year.

We made it to the 10th day…I can not believe how much prevention has already been done by you: YEAH!!!!!!


On the 10th day of prevention I…

wrote a holiday card to my Senators, my congress person, my elected officials, and the manufactures who use sexism to market their product to speak out against domestic violence and sexism whenever and wherever they see it. I also asked them to vote for prevention money and to keep the domestic violence shelters and outreach programs open!

If you have already sent out your cards – Go on you. No doubt you have 1 or 10 left over to send out.

If you haven’t send out your cards yet – come on, don’t give up..there’s still time. You can at least send cards to these people.

Please make sure you watch to the end of the video!

Ellen’s video speaks for itself!

This blog has commented on this stuff before…but this typifies the feeling we at opt4 have about these gender specific merchandise that seems to come our every year… needs to stop!

We have it everywhere…pink scooters that come with stickers of flowers and bunnies, pink houses that says “you can be the mommy”…what if i want to be the daddy…the pronouns you and I are pretty significant when marketing and advertising.

We have to end these gender specific nonsense that points out that women are so vastly different from men. The reality is…the genders are A LOT most alike than we want to admit.

If you want to talk about gender specific, here are a few of the ONLY items that are gender specific:

Ladies: Tampons, Pads, moon cup (and yes men, you can buy them…it’s ok. Stand proud that there is a woman that believes in you that much), reproductive health stuff. Also…bras, girl diapers, and…that’s about it.

Men: jock straps, nose hair and ear hair trimmers (somehow women just don’t have this problem as much…or they’re better at hiding it), prostrate health stuff, testicular health stuff, and….that’s about it.

So lets band together to start writing letters, making youtube videos, etc about gender specifics going away. bye bye now.




Wow, the 9th day and December 21 already. Have you started the countdown?

Happy prevention holidays!!!!

On the 9th day of prevention I…

stood up and said something about a disrespectful sexist joke I heard!

The parties have started and things are getting down to the wire. Whether you celebrate it or not, the world is counting down to Christmas and everyone is looking for an excuse to party.

Inevitably at these parties there are jokes, wise cracks, and the like – but REMEMBER – sexist jokes and jokes about a certain gender or race are NOT funny. This day of prevention asks you to stand up and say something!

I know you can do it!

There are a lot of people who thank you for doing it.

Healthy media for youth

The girls scouts have been empowering girls, young ladies, and women for the entire existence of the organization.

Now they are doing even more…they are creating healthy media conferences, and healthy information symposium.  The girls scouts are also adding data to the world fo female media influences – this is how the media affects our girls.

They are finding that girls with a strong family household, or at least a parent who is involved with them, are less likely to watch violent and anti-female media than other girls the same age. However, the study is also showing that those girls not watching anti-female media is lessening…that is a problem.

Remember -when a person sees and accepts that which they see – they create themselves, their ideas, and their world around it.

If a 8-10 year old girl sees a group of women fighting amongst themselves for 1 man (ala  The Bachelor) or a group of women behaving badly (bad girls club) or a group of women who think the only thing important is money, looks, and their dates (Every housewives show out there) they are likely to create their lives, mannerisms, and future around this example of women.

This is not the example we want to promote…please read this article and join the Girl Scouts of America in trying to save the way girls see their role as women!



On the 8th day of prevention I…

didn’t fund sexism by buying things that are  sexist!

Yeah!  I congratulate you..this is a very very big thing to do. There are so many toys “for girls” or “for boys” that force our children into gender roles that are simply not accurate and promote sexism and ultimately violence towards the gender seen as the weaker or the “slave”.

Do not buy things from companies that promote their products through sexism, or are working to sexualize our girls before they are ready.

The power and control wheel was created to explain domestic violence.

We can say that domestic violence is caused by power and control all we want, but the reality is…most of us don’t know what power and control looks like.  That’s where the power and control wheel fits in…it helps us understand all the ways someone is able to exert this onto us.

The equality wheel was the logical antithesis tot he power and control wheel. However, when we are talking about equality we should also be talking about nonviolence.

Nonviolence is simply the absence of violence. However, it’s also the absence of violent words, images, and displays. Unfortunately, we don’t often pay attention tot he rest of the violence that is around us all the time. this violence WILL influence us, change us, and recreate ideas in our mind that our society seems to think are acceptable.

A perfect example of when violence seeps into our normal speech is seen here:

wrong p and c

No doubt the creators of this equality wheel were good people and meant the very best. No doubt they would never ever hurt a single person. BUT…the normalized violence in our world influenced them to add words to the bottom that promotes domestic violence.

The word beat…unless used in a musical way…is VIOLENT!  There is no other way to see it. Even the phrase “can’t be beat” has violent origins. It’s is a statement that explains that a person can’t be “beat” because they are immune to pain or “beating”.

If we are striving to make this world a better and less violent place, we must start with our language and ourselves!

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