I was speaking to a group of boys (men) the other day about women’s rights.

Suddenly, everything changed…I don’t know if ti was what I said or their want to change the subject, but the men suddenly stopped me. I will save you the more explicit comments (Because with men…they are always there.) but they stopped me and said….

What follows is a group of men speaking to me…not just one.

You come in here talking about rights. Then you talk about society and the evil it has created, albeit you don’t use those words. Then you talk about how violence is wrong. I don’t know where you got that from…because obviously you haven’t been in a place where you had to prove what you’re made of. Because when you have to “man up” or “p…y out”…you have to decide what you are. Then you start yacking about sexism. Yeah (with hand-held to mouth like he was about to laugh), like that’s a word guys use. (roaring laughter) Yeah, and this sheet you gave us is all about how women are all mistreated and such. Then you start saying how we can’t look at a girl’s but, and oh man her “t..s” are off-limits too. I guess the “derogatory word for vagina” is out too huh?Now no porn! No porn! Dude, porn is a man’s world where he can act out his fantasy. And we can’t say anything when they hit us (which is all the f__’n time) {Lots of laughter and agreance} Yeah, they always smack us, hit us, push us, and yell in our face..and we’re suppose to what..take it? Man they can even kick you in the {testicles} and it’s fine. But woooohhh you better not touch HER. You better not call HER a name, especially any of the ones that really piss them off. Man what the ____, are you f___n serious?   Wait wait wait….you do realize you’re a man right?

Wow! What did I say?  That’s a lot to correct in a span of a few minutes, but it’s an attack that men in this campaign to end gender abuse and inequality are constantly on. People like Jackson Katz who has been doing this for most of his life, and Tony Porter who has spoken to TED about this stuff….I imagine would be able to just toss something off of his tongue that would make it all make sense and put them in their place in a teachable moment.  Right?  Well, maybe or maybe not..I’m unsure since I’m not buds with them.

But then I started thinking…are they wrong?  In a certain point of view they are wrong…but what about theirr point of view? What have they been taught?  Look around.

For every blog like this, there is blog celebrating violence.

For every blog on feminine rights, there’s 25 blog or a vlog about sex and objectification of women…and many are run by women.

This blog gets 100 visits a day. Feministing(a great feminist and gender equal blog)…maybe a few thousand a day. A few thousand is the amount of comments a personal sex blog can get on one blog of depravity of the female person.

Tumblr, the new way of blogging where pictures and comments are the blogs of the day, a small giff, a small picture or video and that’s the post. The amount of X-rated porn that is spewed into that site is phenomenal…and they’re posting numbers of 10,000 followers, 30,000 visits. These are picture after picture of objectification and sexual abuse…that is flocked to by billions.

Turn on the TV…what do you see: objectification, abuse, violence, domestic violence, domestic abuse, sexual depravity, and then we get into reality shows.  Here’s a real group of comments from a group of middle schoolers (ages 11-13)

Reality shows are the best things that have ever been. I’m totally like addicted to them. OMG…when that B___h backed handed that “hoe”, you know like I was right on…that’s what she deserves. Man I watch ever reality TV there is, because I’m tired of watching stupid tv. Every person on those shows is a real person acting the real way…that’s the total truth. {When I commented that if they have a director, producer, editor and writer….they’re not truly reality. They’re created} Their comments were…nah, see…when those people act like that, that’s what they are really doing. There are just people following around with a camera.  You don’t get it…if ti really happened, it’s caught on film. That’s total truth. You don’t get it. See when things really happen…they make reality TV. That’s real!(the last part was screamed at me).

So now we go back to our (boys). Are they wrong…only if we consider our society, our media, our culture, and the way we are taught to act is wrong.

What did I say?  I said…yes I am a man.  Yes..I enjoy looking at a woman’s body, but the difference is that I see that woman as a living breathing human being that has goals, aspirations, a future, a past, and I accept her as who she is…rolls, no make up – she just is a woman, and she is who she is acting out her roles in our society. see, it’s when we take away those things and see her as just a body part…it’s wrong.

As for violence…well. From what you’ve been taught your comments are justified, and many of the males in the world would see this as correct. But I was taught violence as a child. I was beat, abused, hurt and destroyed in many ways by the males and females in my world. But whether the abuse came from a woman, a man, a boy, or a girl….violence and abuse is just plain wrong…period. No matter what we’ve been taught, there’s no reason for violence!

So, what would you have said to the boys?