We have talked abut this video before…but with the resurgence of Chris brown’s Tatoo…we must look at it again in more detail.

We must see the song and the video for what it is: A way love is not suppose to be!

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine But your temper’s just as bad as mine is, you’re the same as me But when it comes to love, you’re just as blinded
Baby, please come back, it wasn’t you, baby, it was me Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won’t be no next time I apologize, even though I know it’s lies I’m tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I’m a liar If she ever tries to f****’ leave again, I’ma tie her to the bed And set this house on fire.

You know what the hardest part of the video is to me? It’s in the middle when he hands her the teddy bear holding the rose. She is sitting up against the wall, battered and crying. He hands her the teddy bear and she takes it. I can tell you what she is thinking. She was thinking, “That was the last fight I will ever have with you. That was the last straw. Tomorrow I’m leaving.” When he hands her the bear her brain tells her, “Please don’t apologize. Please don’t be nice. Stop messing with me.” She has to take the bear. She has to, because if she doesn’t, he turns around and says, “Oh. So you are too good to accept my apology! You know I didn’t mean it!! This was just as much your fault. If you hadn’t have done (fill in the blank)…,” and then it starts all over again. So she’s trapped. Nothing she does will be right. It’s easier to stay silent and accept the bear and say, “I understand. I’m sorry, too.” She says it without making eye contact and with her voice very low.

This video has so much wrong with it, but so much right. At times I think it’s brilliant and then at times I think it’s typical Eminem and typical Hollywood. I understand its purpose, in terms of exposing some of the games of domestic violence, but a fight like that doesn’t lead to the passionate sex that is displayed throughout the video. That is what happens in Hollywood. The video makes the violence seem o.k. I love you, I hate you, I love you, hurt me, love me, hit me, love me, destroy me, love me. This video was incredibly popular and if I could I would scream from the highest mountain, “This isn’t love!” “Next time I’m pissed I’m gonna put my fist through the dry wall.”

Let’s describe that sentence. An abuser loves to trap their victim. They love walls. They will manipulate the situation to where the victim finds herself in a defenseless position with her back against a wall and him towering over her. He doesn’t have to say anything at that point. He has already won. Her heart is racing and she is praying to God to make this go fast, as he does anything he wants to. He can grab her face if she tries to look away. He can touch ever so softly and proceed to rape her if he wants. He can unbutton her blouse. If she starts to cry he can get up right against her and tell her to stop crying. He can take his fist and hit the wall right next to her. The punch takes what seems 10 minutes to get to the wall. All the while she is thinking, “Is this going to be the time he’s going to hit me?” He doesn’t hit her, though. By hitting the wall, he holds more power over her than actual physically touching her. By hitting the wall he is telling her, “This time I show restraint, but you better watch out next time.”

This video should be required watching of every teenager, college student, every woman and every man in America, but it should come with a very real and very honest dialog. This video is the epitome of power and control, but also how the media glorifies violence in this country. “It’s o.k. you hit me honey. I’ll love you anyway. So go ahead and we’ll have great sex afterwards.”

Yeah, whatever. Ask any victim and ask how her sex was after the fight. She won’t tell the same story.
I have said this many times before, but we have to stop the violence and we can only do that by honest and real conversation. We can’t sugarcoat this anymore. Those days must end.