It’s very hard to know what a healthy relationship is if you’ve never seen one.

We often assume everyone knows what a healthy relationship is.

Unfortunately, when we say the words…”healthy relationships, a number of ideas come to mind. What we don’t realize is that a number of DIFFERENT ideas come to mind for other people. This is the root of the problem. Because different people grew up differently and with different parents; therefore, learning different definitions of a healthy relationship.

So how do we get everyone on the same page?  We start the conversation.

Please though…don’t just take my words for it.  Interspersed in this post you will find other posts that deal with the same topic…please check out their ideas as well.

4 ways to create happy healthy relationships

Here is an easy list of “what to look for in a partner” or “how a healthy relationship partner will treat you”

  • Someone who supports your relationships with friends and family members.
  • Someone who is willing to get to know your family and friends.
  • Someone who gives you space to be yourself.
  • Someone who maintains their friendships as well.
  • Someone who supports your personal growth.
  • Someone who asks and wants your opinion on things.
  • Someone who you feel comfortable having a different opinion.
  • Someone you feel comfortable expressing your feelings with.
  • Someone who can admit and apologize when they are wrong.
  • Someone who accepts responsibility for their actions and behavior.
  • Someone who sees the relationship as a partnership.
  • Someone who is ok with each person controlling their own money.
  • Someone who treats OTHER people with respect.
  • Someone who trusts you and expects to be trusted.
  • Someone who encourages your hopes and dreams.
  • Someone you feel safe with.
  • someone who is sure of themselves and their own identity and is not threatened by your friendship with other people of either gender.

Attributes of a healthy relationship

Though this is a very large list, and depending on your past…may seem an insurmountable amount of expectations…it is a complete description of a truly healthy relationship.

But what I am asked most is: What if my partner doesn’t have all of these traits. What do I do then?

This is the hardest part of any relationship…what should you put up with. (Notice: i didn’t say “can put up with.” We can put up with a lot. We have been taught to put up with a lot.)

In this list, here are the things that can slip slightly (but only slightly)

– Someone who is ok with each person controlling their own money.  – This is part of the list because it can be taken to an abusive extreme called financial abuse. This is where one side of the relationship controls all of the money and the other person is given an allowance. You’re not 10. You’re not suppose to beg or ask for money in a relationship. However, some people are better at doing the books than some. YOU MUST pay attention to the money, but you don’t have to want to control it.

– Someone who gives you space to be yourself – Space is a hard term. how much space, how little space…this is your definition and no one else’s.  You must have this conversation in the beginning or you will lose it.

Qualities of a healthy relationship

Every one of these can be taken to an extreme of some sort. Remember, this is your relationship and your life. You must set the boundaries for your life, and your partner must set the boundaries for theirs. If your boundaries do not work together….the relationship can’t work. If it continues, it will turn unhealthy.